As children, we weren’t encouraged to feel our feelings.
Many of us heard this kind of feedback from our parents and caregivers:
- “Stop crying about it.”
- “It’s not that bad.”
- “You’ve cried long enough.”
There was rarely inquiry about how we were feeling. This is especially common for those who were not raised true to their Type.
Due to this early feedback and training, we were conditioned to believe that we couldn’t show our emotions, and we have become very good at shutting them off and repressing them.
But as we mature and become more conscious, we are all learning how important our emotions are and also how to feel them.
Why We Need to Feel Our Feelings
By harboring and avoiding our emotions, they come up in their own way—oftentimes in a way that is not honoring to us or others! This could look like lashing out, passive-aggressive behaviors, jealousy, anxiety, or depression.
By allowing yourself to get in touch with your feelings, you can own them and heal them.
Many years ago, I began to allow myself to feel my feelings. When you give yourself permission to do this too, something incredible will happen:
Your emotions will heal you. Especially the ones you’re afraid to feel. Your stress levels drop and you feel more calm and peaceful.
So what can you do to begin?
An Empowering Exercise to Feel Your Feelings
I learned a simple exercise many years ago that will be incredibly useful when something is bothering you or when you’re upset. It allows us to zero in on our feelings, take accountability for them, and move through the feeling stage quite quickly.
The simple method is “Fill in the blank…”
Get your journal and just write the sentence over and over, filling in the blank each time:
- I am afraid to feel _____________
- I am afraid to feel _____________
- I am afraid to feel______________
Do this anywhere from 10 to 20 times, writing quickly without thinking too hard or judging what comes up. This is called “automatic writing” and there are no wrong answers.
It might look something like this:
- I am afraid to feel negative emotions.
- I am afraid to feel vulnerable.
- I am afraid to feel because I will get in trouble.
- I am afraid to feel happy because it might not last.
- I am afraid to feel excitement.
- I am afraid to feel joy.
Yes, we can even be afraid to feel positive emotions!
Take some time right now and fill in the blank 10 times. See what comes up for you. Then sit with it. Feel it and heal it.
It is safe to feel your feelings.
I encourage you to continue to use this exercise regularly, especially when you feel you are holding something in. It has been a powerful tool to help me heal old hurts and feelings of shame and worthlessness, to allow me to live my life true to the beauty that God created me and YOU to BE.
As a Lifestyle member, you already know the powerful results that come from living your truth more fully. If you would like to explore your healing journey more deeply, it may be time for you to join my Healing Center. I created the Healing Plan for Childhood Wounding to help you heal the exact issues we talked about today. Join today and start your 14-day FREE trial.
I am afraid to feel out of control.
And I have a chronic illness that has taken over my life. My formerly obsessive working out, physically active, eating right and doing all the right things fell apart once I got sick. We tried everything from homeopathy to energy work, diet change, to surgery to fix it. Nothing works. It’s out of my hands.
Sorry your having to go through this. Consider the possibility it’s a great teacher in helping you learn to let go of control. That you’re fear was created in your childhood and is no longer serving you.
Mocksoup, I am EXACTLY where you are. My chronic illness has taken over my life too, and I was also “the healthy girl” who ate clean, ran, and hiked. Your fear is mine too. I don’t know if you are a Christian, but for me, I draw a lot of comfort from knowing that when things are out of MY control, they’re still in the control of the God who loves me deeply. If you ever want to chat about your illness, please look me up on Facebook. You’re not alone!
As for my biggest fear… I am afraid to feel like a failure. I put a lot of expectations on myself and often feel like I am letting people down or missing opportunities to use my gifts. It takes a lot of guts to be gracious with myself when things take longer or prove to be more difficult than I expected.
How, exactly, do you heal it? Just by acknowledging the feeling?
Acknowledging and letting yourself feel the feelings rather than shutting them off allows healing.
WOW!! Got it. Thanks again as usual :-). I am afraid to feel SCARED and then when I wrote it I realized how close it is to scarred and then SACRED. Very cool. This will help me move forward. So grateful! Love you Carol Tuttle.
What a great aha Kim.
Got ANOTHER one… SACRAL. Have been tapping for that chakra and getting amazing results. Thanks for all you do.
What a revelation! I AM afraid of feeling positive emotions. Negative emotions were much more accepted in my childhood household. My wounded mother always shot down my father’s excitement- which was pretty regular with my Dad being T1. I learned very early to restrain my T1 self. So grateful to have found DYT, and to be free from a life in the shadow of negativity! Thank you! I will definitely share this concept with my T2 sister!!