Introverts, you live in an extrovert world that doesn’t nurture you—in fact, it exhausts you!
How can you take care of your introvert energy and still show up as your authentic self?
On today’s episode of #EnergyProfilingWithCarol, we’re talking with two women who have “double-introvert” Energy Types! Shayna (Type 2/4) and Janet (Type 4/2) share how they get through their days and jobs which require them to live out a more extroverted role.
As a Type 2 or a Type 4 woman, how did this episode support you? Share in a comment!
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Really enjoyed this video. As a 2/1 who didn’t care for either the “timid” or “hyper” words in a previous video I have to say when you described 2’s can feel like “lazy pansies” in this “go-go” world I was thinking “YES, YES, YES! That is exactly it!” in my head. You totally took me by surprise when you mentioned cameras everywhere as bothering the 2/4 energies. I am a customer service rep and everything we say is recorded both visually and audibly. I HATE it but never understood why before. Thank you! You also revealed a great challenge of mine. With my secondary 1 I am bad about hopping in and finishing sentences. (Could it also be my 2 trying to connect/empathize in just a really crappy way?) It is most noticeable with my 2/4 hubby and daughter. In my defense, is it a normal “4” thing to start a sentence and then just stop halfway through? :0 Again, thank you so much for this affirming and motivational video! :)))
I have the same habit Maureen – “hopping in and finishing sentences” (I’m a 2/1 too) and when I catch myself, either in the moment or right afterwards, I can feel really embarrassed. Sometimes I see myself doing it because it feels like the only way I can get a word in, and other times I see it like how you put it, I’m trying to “connect/empathize” with the speaker. Yet I know, this is not always appreciated… 🙂
I attended a yoga training course last year and one of the tidbits my yoga teacher kept saying was, as yoga teachers, you are there to give students space – space on the mat, helping to create space in bodies/minds. Whenever he asked us a question – he would give us what felt like an enormous amount of time to answer him. It almost felt rude to be given so much space to talk! Many students, including me, would talk, pause or stop – and expect help from him as confirmation from a listener, but often we had an allotted amount of time to talk that could only be filled only by ourselves.
I’ve also had professional development seminars (for elementary school teaching) where speakers talk about how much kids benefit from letting them sit and think with a question, before accepting/asking for responses. Giving people space to think/talk/finish what they are saying is really valuable and honouring (especially for 2’s and 4’s I think because we can take longer to form our answer out-loud), but our fast paced world rarely gives space for it and when you actually experience space to talk out loud it can seem really out of place and awkward.
My yoga teacher had us hold a Native American talking stick for more serious conversations, and in my elementary school classroom I throw around a squishy ball for student conversations. Maybe if we imagine the other speaker holding a talking stick, it will help us with the interrupting 🙂
As a Four/Two, I sometimes have a lot of thoughts and feelings going on all at once, and when I stop in the middle of a sentence, it’s because I just need to stop and focus for a moment. I don’t need help talking! I just need a minute to collect my thoughts. If someone interrupts that process and talks “for” me, even though they might mean well and mean to be helpful, it’s *extremely frustrating.
Yes! Exactly! I was just thinking the same thing about myself. 4/1
So I’ve been dressing my truth for 9 months now, and I can think of only one time when someone tried to interrupt me/talk over me! That’s amazing, because I used to have that happen constantly. Someone in T4 Facebook group said laughingly one time, “This stuff is voodoo! It makes people treat you differently!” It really does.
I love dressing my truth because it makes me feel so calm and grounded — so calm that when that one person tried to talk over me, instead of getting really angry (I hate the way being angry feels in my body, it’s just not good at all) — I calmly kept talking right over *them, saying, “No, I need to finish. I need to finish.” They stopped, they apologized, they listened, I felt respected, and everything was great.
I’m going to say the term “INtrovert” has never set well with me at all — it kind of implies “INto only yourself and ‘don’t care about people,’ all about the INner,” the way the word sounds. Not true at all. I’d rather the world call us Attentives. 🙂 Or The Deep People 🙂 Something like that.
I feel like a lot of the suffering on the planet is due to society being out of balance and disrespecting “introvert” energy, that energy that gives ballast and stability to the world and keeps it from crashing and burning.
Wow, if I’d just seen a photo of Shayna, I’d have thought she was a 1/4 or a 4/1 – she looks so cute!
Really enjoyed this video, thanks.
YES! Pure-on solitude for us T4’s. I always marvel at people who say, “Exercise is my Me Time,” or “You need to relax, you should get together with some friends.” Yikes! No!! That means I have to be On, that I can’t switch Off. Here’s my T4 fantasy: a 3-day weekend by myself in a seaside or mountain-view Inn with a huge porch and lots of rocking chairs and preferably no other guests. With an Innkeeper who’s too busy to stop and chat. 🙂
That sounds perfect for you! When are you going to take this 3 day weekend?
Thank you for writing this. I recently had the opportunity presented to do something on my bucket list which is to take a cruise to Alaska. It will kill two bucket list items for me at the same time…a cruise (never been before) and going to Alaska. The only thing is that I would be going solo, which I have no problem doing esp as a T4, but I thought maybe that would be weird while I am on the trip. Reading your post and Carol’s comment is a great confirmation that this is something I should definitely pursue.
I am a 2/4 and have a pattern of putting up with things for a VERY long time and then just one day deciding I am done and then questioning myself a lot and feeling bad about it. When I was in my 20’s and 30’s, this looked like holding things in and then sort of exploding on people (usually my husband), quitting jobs (frequently), or cutting drama-inducing people out of my life. It is ironic that in an effort to avoid confrontation, I ended up creating confrontation! Now that I am in my 40’s, I have gotten much better at communicating when things are not satisfactory to me instead of just holding it in and then having a big confrontation later. However, I still have feelings of not being heard which in certain cases leads to strong feelings of being disrespected. I am used to not being heard and having to speak up for myself. But the not being respected part still pushes my buttons for some reason and still usually leads to me being “done” in a rather final and abrupt way.
A recent example is that I have had the same two person housecleaning team for the last three years. Over those three years, they have repeatedly damaged or ruined things in my home which is a huge issue for me but they were friends of extended family so I tried to give them every chance I could. When I spoke to them about being more careful or doing things a certain way (which is not easy for me to do), they would agree with me to my face but then do what they wanted to anyway. True to my old pattern, I finally let them go rather abruptly and am now feeling bad about it, although I feel like I gave them way more chances than most people would.
I have watched and read everything you produce, but I feel like I am missing something. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like something a T2 would do and maybe it is a pattern that I picked up from my parents and don’t realize it? I have been married to a T3 since I was 17, so maybe I picked it up from him (but I don’t necessarily see him doing it)? I’m not really sure, but I am wondering what else I can do to be heard and respected and not have my buttons pushed when neither of those things are reciprocated by other people. I’m sure I need to do inner child work regarding not being heard and not feeling able to speak up – any other suggestions?
Joanna, I relate to your post as I tend to be the same way, although I have not quit jobs abruptly. The key for me has been to keep close tabs on my emotional response to a situation. In the case of your house cleaners, you say it was a huge issue for you (emotionally?) but your brain came in and overruled your emotions (they were friends..?) I have done this, too, and it never comes out well for me. Now I am working to always honor my emotions FIRST. If something feels wrong or makes me feel diminished, I pay close attention to it and take action if necessary. If you approach confrontation from an “I”/”me” instead of “you” point of view, you will end up being validated, although since being assertive is different for you, it may feel weird at first and you’ll want to ruminate on it. In the case of your house cleaners, you could have approached it “I am disappointed that you have not changed your approach to cleaning based on our conversations. I am not comfortable having you clean my house.” You are now operating from a space of validation and self-support. Give it a try!
Oh the putting up with things for a long time really resonates with me.. I used to go around as a T4 pretending to be intellectually “above” the situation and one day I would just pick up my bags and move out (figuratively and literally).. I grew up with a depressed mother so I thought “feelings =weakness”, but I even in my “I don´t feel anything” attitude there was always this need to not affect other peoples feelings.. I still feel my bold secondary T4 trying to take over from time to time, but if I ever do, it is exhausting!
Expanding on what Carol mentions in the video, I would love to see a Lifestyle page with a list of leaders and other inspiring people of each type!
This was such a great video! As a 2/4 I related to both these women, especially how you talked about the world having more 4,3, and 1 energy and how we need to schedule in quiet time so that we can be our best selves for our loved ones. I will often get head aches because I’m thinking about something so much and want to clear my mind. I took up distance running a few years ago and it’s funny to hear some of my running friends say that they enjoy the quiet time of running to be alone with their thoughts. But it’s actually the opposite for me…when I run it’s pretty much the only time my mind will NOT be on overdrive and I don’t think about a darn thing! And it’s always very needed to shut off my brain for a while. Thank you for the insights of this video and to the beautiful ladies who came on and shared! Please do more videos about this energy combo…
Black and white movies are Type 4 movies. I love them!
Thanks for mentioning the interruption thing! Not sure if I’m a 2/4 or 4/2, but I just had a memory flashback of two people asking me a question and a third person jumped in and cut me off before I could even speak and they sort of answered for me. This completely through my brain for a loop and I just froze and couldn’t speak or think and they were still waiting for my answer, I don’t even think I said anything and it just got awkward and they just kind of left I guess, lol. I judged myself for so long about that, wondering why I froze and what was wrong with me. I’ve had the freezing thing happen before, like when I was a kid and dropped something in front of a crowd and I couldn’t move right away. Apparently, that’s how much my system can’t handle interruption (or a group of people looking at me).