You remember Michelle from her fierce and fun Before & After. In this mini healing session, we sat down to talk about how she takes on more than she can handle. This leaves her feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities—and resentful of not being able to pursue what she wants.
Does this sound familiar to you? Do you find yourself taking charge…of everything? Watch this video for tips on how you can change this pattern for good:
Want some help on knowing what to let go of? Use this helpful affirmation daily: I’m knowing where I no longer need to take charge.
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This is so fabulous. I’ve watched it several times because I connect so much with what Carol is saying.
Thank you!
So timely for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you Michelle, Carol, and DYT Team!!! <3 P.S. You're looking so hot and adorable, Michelle!
This is exactly what I need. Thank you Michelle for sitting in for so many of us who have this challenge. As a T4, I am learning what things need my critical perfecting eye and what things are good the way they are and simply need my support and encouragement.
I am a type one married to a type three husband- thank you for this video because the next time we are able to talk, I’m going to ask him if he feels like he has to take charge of too much… It’s not his nature to complain about it… But this shows me that as a type one, it’s always easier to just “let him handle it.” It never occurred to me to ask “Hey, do you need to take a load off? Need me to take over some areas so you can have some time for yourself??” Once again- thank you!!! Like I said earlier- even if it’s not your type- watch all the videos because you have no idea how much it will help you understand your spouse, children, and loved ones.
That will be music to his Type 3 ears!!
I totally relate to the “Why am I always the one…?”. For me, it’s why am I always the one who notices everything? Does no one else notice this? Are they noticing and just choosing not to deal with it? I wish I didn’t see every possible imperfection to fix. Then I always fix it or change it because I know it’s there, so I feel guilty if I don’t do it and someone else has to. Then I get angry about it and play the victim role (privately, nobody even knows what I did or that I’m mad about it). My Mom is somewhat similar (although she doesn’t even notice near the amount that I do) but I think she’s a 4/3 so she has no problem telling someone what she had to do or what they need to do next time, but I hate the conflict so I just don’t say anything. I think for me it’s about realizing that just because I notice something, it doesn’t mean it’s my responsibility to take on. Same thing with being the peacemaker in conflict situations, just because I notice when someone is uncomfortable when they’re having a conversation with someone else, doesn’t mean that I have to diffuse the tension and be the mediator.
As I am watching this I think, “Maybe I am a closet T3” because when Carol pointed out that Michelle stepped in to help that brought up a lot of shame for me. I feel invisible (T2) so I step up to “help”, then I get put in my place, then I go back in to T2 mode and hide again. I still feel more like a T2, but that T3 pops out at the most inopportune times because I feel safer as a T3. [Invincible, like a super hero :)] I know I am all over the place in this process, but the more I learn about LYT, the more I get to know myself. I am trying to embrace the process, and not get impatient.
I relate to what you’re saying! I feel like I sometimes am criticized for not doing enough (by myself, or by others) and other times jump in and it is not received well.
I love my “not to do” list that gets updated in a major way about once a year. I take really big swaths of things away that are no longer serving me and find space for new & improved things. (T1/4)
That is a great idea!!
Love that idea!
I do this from my secondary 4. When I manage to stay in my primary (T1), I don’t try to control things that don’t belong to me (and most of them don’t). I’m also more graceful about accepting the help of others. For me, it comes from insecurity which is when I go into my secondary. So LMT allows me to stay in balance.
I relate that this so much! I often take on so much, particularly with the kids and house, that the sheer weight of it feels like it will crush me! As a T3 I take it on myself and have trained others in my life to let me do it. Thank you for this eye opener!
Michelle is a perfect example of the joke…”I’d throw in the towel but that would be more laundry.”
Woah… Her words have come out of my own mouth. I think I am a Type 1 who is being run over by my Type 3. I love to be the grasshopper, and hop in and out of things, free to flit about. Then I got married and had kids and I feel like I steam rolled my type 1 self with my Type 3 self and I’m still bleeding from it. I feel like I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING except bring home the paycheck. (My husband is awesome with that.) Sometimes I feel like I have to do everything cuz no one else can do it right, or I don’t want to deal with complaining, or there’s not time to show my kids how to help. Crazy thing is … To get it all done I go into what I call “Master of the Universe mode”, which involves a lot of force. I hate how I feel in that mode. My husband and I were both river guides when we met. He has said he misses the river girl he married. I miss her too, but like I said … I ran her over with a steam roller. Things had to get done, he has always worked a lot so I could stay home, and I am the one here to do them.
That being said, I totally relate to what you said Carol about training the people in my life to let me do everything. You said you could retrain them, but how to go about it is overwhelming to me. Loved this video!
Great video! I loved what she said about the Type 1s. I was just telling a friend last night how I’ve spent my life agreeing to do things for everybody because I was afraid saying no would hurt people’s feelings and make them upset. So I say yes and take on everybody’s stuff and get overwhelmed. Reinforced my feeling that I’m a Type 1. Thankfully I’m finally learning to say no and set healthy boundaries.
Ok so someone in the living your truth lifestyles group shared this video with me because I posted that I was frustrated that my fiance was taking hours to do a job that I feel like should have taken mabey an hour.
Job is cleaning out the car which was important to him. I need help cleaning the house and taking care of the children. This is something bad happens on a weekly basis. I feel like I am always trying to please him and make it so that he doesn’t have to do a whole lot when he gets home from workAnd making sure the t’s happy with the way things are. I feel more and more overwhelmed with responsibilities that I feel like I’m asking people to share with me however, they are doing the parts the they want and not what I actually needed them to do.
We have one day a week usually Sunday’s to do big projects. When he spends the entire time doing a job that takes me a quarter of the time I feel so let down and I end up doing everything myself because the three things I needed help with that could have easily been accomplished if he hadn’t taken the entire time to complete maybe 1 of them makes me so frustrated. There are 5 kids and 2 adults here. After a year and a half of trying to do it all I finally started asking for help, which I absolutely hate doing by the way, I get very little. Sometimes things get even worse because he is taking so long that he doesn’t always complete just one task. I am trying to talk to him in a not needy manor. I end up just saying either screw it and let nothing get done or I start screaming in my fire cracker sort of way. I hired help and ended up paying someone to do the things I have no trouble doing myself and he thought that made it ok for him not to have to do anything at all.
Oh my goodness – this is me all stinkin’ day! My husband *constantly* tells me not to take on so much and I do it anyway. I’m a 3/4 and have driven myself into the GROUND the last few years, taking care of everything while feeling intense guilt about all the things I’m not able to do or just don’t want to. Revelatory content!