I’d like to introduce you to your wounded self. This is a wonderful but wounded person who lives deep inside you. She’s a little girl or little boy with emotional scars that have never healed.
At some point in your childhood, you were shamed or humiliated in a way that hurt you deeply. Perhaps a sibling constantly mocked you, a parent emotionally abandoned you, or a friend broke your trust in an extremely painful way.
Because these people didn’t know your Energy Type, they didn’t really know you. They made assumptions about you – and unfortunately, you may have absorbed these assumptions about yourself too.
Throughout your life, you’ve been profiling your wounded self, thinking, “I am this way,” and “I am that way.” But wait. Are all of those things really true?
No. They’re old assumptions, not facts. It’s time to shake up a lifetime of mistaken beliefs and rediscover your authentic self buried inside, underneath it all.
What Does “Wounded Self” Mean?
The wounded self forms when you’re shamed for just being you. Feelings of embarrassment, abandonment, and humiliation can cut deep. To protect yourself from emotional damage, you form a tough mental and emotional scar.
For many of us, the natural response is to shut down. When we encounter shame and uncertainty, we distance ourselves to push away the pain. We stop trusting others, foster self-doubt, and forget how to believe in ourselves.
Self-distrust can begin as a small child and remain well into adulthood. Our childhoods shape who we become as people and how we relate to ourselves.
As a result, our adult selves can be severely impacted by childhood trauma. We store painful memories in our minds and bodies for decades. This damage can alter our mental health, our interpersonal relationships, and even how our bodies physically feel.
Emotional wounds create physical wounds, leading to serious illnesses like depression, chronic pain, mood disorders, personality disorders, and more. Over time, these illnesses can become debilitating.
Some people enter a vicious cycle of illness, where emotional wounds cause physical symptoms, physical symptoms cause additional problems like sleep disturbances and raised stress hormones, and the overall well-being of the body decreases dramatically.
Unless we develop awareness and insight into the origin and extent of our early wounding, we will continue to carry this damage for a lifetime. However, if we can awaken ourselves to the root of the problem, we can take positive steps toward change.
Signs That You Haven’t Healed Your Inner Child
Now let’s look at some signs of a wounded inner child. If you see these characteristics in yourself, you may have some buried and unresolved emotional wounds.
Rigidity
People with emotional wounds often become tight and inflexible human beings. They operate from a place of fear and shame, and that shows in their rigid words and actions.
Bossiness
Another sign is that you default to bossiness, trying to control and dominate other people instead of focusing on your own life. Do you try to boss people around all day long, even when it’s not necessary?
Anger
Wounded people often have trouble controlling their anger and resentment. Their anger seeps into every relationship and interaction. There is no inner peace, thus there is no outward peace.
Avoidance
Instead of dealing with conflict directly, you become an introvert who runs away from things. You avoid challenge and responsibility at all costs. This can also lead to long periods of isolation and even forgetting how to love yourself and others.
Compliance
Are you easily manipulated? Do you comply with others’ demands, even at a high cost to your own well-being? Codependency, victimhood, and being weak-willed are signs of a wounded inner child.
Low Self-Esteem
Words and actions from decades ago can come back to haunt you, chipping away at your self-esteem. Whenever you try to build yourself up, something whispers, “You can’t do it.”
Denial
You deny yourself self-love, genuine emotional intimacy, attachment, personal growth, and trust. You can’t share yourself deeply with other people, because you deny important parts of yourself.
Instability
Perhaps you experience a combination of all of these emotions. Sometimes you’re a doormat, and other times you explode in frustration. You can’t maintain a stable mood.
Impostor Syndrome
You feel like a fake, a fraud, and a failure in real life who could be “found out” by others. Psychologists call this impostor syndrome, and 70% of people will experience some form of it at some point in their lives. It severely limits your ability to enjoy life.
Take some time to review the characteristics above and look inside yourself. Are you angry, codependent, bossy, avoidant, or in denial? Is it hard to understand your own emotions? By opening yourself up to questions like these, you can begin a new and transformative healing process.
Are You Profiling Your Wounded Self Without Knowing It?
If you’ve never healed your inner child, you grew up behaving in a way that protected rather than honored you. But you may not even realize you’ve been doing this.
So let’s take a proactive step toward emotional healing. Here’s an exercise to find out if you’re profiling your wounded self and wrapping yourself up in false beliefs.
Ask yourself these 9 questions with a quick yes or no, and then take time to reflect and write out your answers in more detail:
- Do I act the way I do because it makes me feel safe in the world? Yes / No
- Do I believe people will like me better and accept me more easily if I behave the way I feel I need to? Yes / No
- At some point in my childhood, did I start to play it safe and stop being my natural self? Yes / No
- Do I feel safe and free to be myself now? Yes / No
- Have I felt that way my entire life? Yes / No
- Do I feel I have to alter the way I am depending on where I am and who I am with? Yes / No
- Do I feel I can just be myself no matter where I am or who I am with? Yes / No
- Do I feel empowered by the traits and tendencies that draw me toward a certain Energy Type? Yes / No
- Do I feel shamed and depleted by the traits and tendencies that draw me toward a certain Energy Type? Yes / No
What kinds of insights came to you during this exercise? Did you discover some difficult feelings and memories? What was the cause-and-effect of old, painful experiences? Did they change your behavior and beliefs about yourself?
A good sign that you’re profiling your wounded self is that you feel the need to act a certain way to feel safe and accepted by others in this world. Consider this: Is the way you’re behaving every day a natural expression or is it a required one?
What is Your True Energy Type?
Remember: when you’re living true to your Energy Type, you express yourself with ease, and your natural movement fulfills you. You are open and flexible in your thinking because you are unburdened by past experiences. Letting go is a comfortable feeling.
Each of the 4 Energy Types has a natural way their energy is expressed:
A Type 1 person naturally feels fulfilled by being more spontaneous and light in the way they approach life.
A Type 2 person naturally feels fulfilled by being more methodical and sensitive in the way they approach life.
A Type 3 person naturally feels fulfilled by being more determined and assertive in the way they approach life.
A Type 4 person naturally feels fulfilled by being more analytical and reflective in the way they approach life.
Imagine what it would feel like to express yourself freely. It’s so invigorating to simply embody your natural movement, traits, and tendencies. And it’s completely possible.
Healing Your Wounded Inner Child
Through the healing process and some inner work, you can learn to express your true self with natural ease. I invite you to join the Live Your Truth lifestyle to find a wealth of support that will help you heal and make self-care a priority in your life.
Here’s a glimpse at the kind of resources you’ll find:
- A Powerful Visualization to Heal Your Inner Child: Type Talk With Carol
- Discover Your Type of Beauty for Free
- Start Dressing Your Truth
- Join Lifestyle
- It’s Just My Nature
Thousands of women are finally discovering their true selves through the healing power of self-love and self-discovery. Let’s peel back the layers of what’s keeping you stuck and reveal the beautiful woman deep within.
Start with the free Beginner’s Guide and become a Lifestyle Member to begin your life-changing journey to wholeness.
-Tzofiya
I want you to experience what Tzofiya and thousands of other women are experiencing by coming home to your true self, living it every day with natural ease. Discovering your Type of beauty and learning about Dressing Your Truth helps you peel back layers that are keeping you stuck and reveal the beautiful woman deep within.
I have many more supportive healing resources in The Carol Tuttle Energy Healing Center to help you heal your wounded self. Become a member when you sign up for your free trial and begin your journey to wholeness.
Resources to support you in identifying your true self:
I am one of these women, and I’ve spent nearly 3 years actively avoiding and rejecting my true type. From the very beginning, the type I dismissed immediately without looking at it saying “Oh that’s NOT me!” is the exact type I am. When I finally FINALLY looked at it and let go of all the expectations placed on me (mostly by me) of who to be and what to do, and just allowed myself to BE, my type was obvious. And looking back it’s always been there and I’ve been making excuses as to why what I am is really something else. Someone I felt I should be. When I began to think that who I am was okay to be, and not an inconvenience, it was like every cell in my body took a collective sigh of relief.
Thank you for sharing Kate! This is Kathy from Carol’s support team. We are so happy that you are embracing your type! Please let us know if there is anything we can help you with through out your journey! support@dressingyourtruth.com. You are blessed!
What is your true type?
I was wondering also! I feel like her story is so much like mine…
Elsewhere she says she is a 2. 🙂
Thank you!
No it’s absolutely fine! I tried replying to both Tiffany and Love The Lorax that I am a T2 but for some reason it wouldn’t post???
I am a 4/2…and grew up as a 2. My parents expected 2 behavior of me. Bold 4 behavior was not ok. I was totally living like a 2 when finding dyt a little over 10 years ago. I thought since I was living like a 2 I was a 2. I had an ahah moment hearing someone else’s testimony who lived as a 2 and tried dressing as a 4 on youtube of how they were a teacher and no one ever noticed them. When they dressed their truth, people noticed them…wearing my favorite color green helped get my attention, too;). I have actively done a lot of energy work over the last almost 15 years…a lot of EFT and Carol’s inner child methods…and now emotion code. So…I know my wounded self is a 2, but I don’t usually live there anymore thanks a lot to Carol’s help over the years!
I am sort of a subtle 4 at this point. I am ok with being me in general. Reading the questions did make me realize I am still not totally comfortable in all super intimate situations of sharing what I think/feel deep inside in closer relationships. I do somewhat still hide/downplay some of what I am really deep down.
(As an aside, I think I’m a Meyer-Briggs INTP…and I wonder how those categories parallel Carol’s types. The 3/2 in my life is a ENFJ and the 3/4 in my life is an INFJ. My 1/4 is an ENFP.)
Thank you for sharing Anna! This is Kathy from Carol’s support team. We are happy to hear that there has been much healing through your journey thanks to Carol and the tools she shares to support you to love your life! Blessings!
Interesting question Myers-Briggs ENTP here. I am a 3 …. still figuring out my secondary but know that this will come to me
I enjoy reading people’s stories and relating to them so I thought maybe someone would relate to mine! I completely skipped all sections and info related to T3. That DEFINITELY wasn’t me! (Wink). I typed myself asT1. One problem was that I HATED T1 clothing! And as much as I wanted to be that type (who doesn’t want to be fun and uplifting?!) I would find myself only lasting in that energy for a while then just being done with it. It was the body/facial profiling that struck the first recognition that I could be T3. Then, as Carol says, it made so much sense. I am T3!! One thing that trips me up is when I compare myself to other T3s I know. (Comparing is never a good idea anyway) I think I am not like them at all. Not a go getter, self motivator. Most T3”s I know are the typical “getting stuff done” folks. I’ve always been frustrated with myself that I DON’T accomplish much. I have ideas and randomness, misplace things like a T1 (my secondary ). I know I am a 3, which just discovering that was a HUGE relief! And I just have to avoid comparing and be the 3 that I am. I love being my own 3!! Question. I have 4 kids and have profiled them with certainty except one. I strongly believe she is a 2 but she does NOT want to be. (She has it in her head that 2s are quiet and boring) anyone else experience this?
Have you read about Gretchen Rubin’s 4 motivations? I have two type 3 people in my life. One of them, a 3/2, I think is what Gretchen calls an “Upholder”…meeting self-expectations and outside expectations. He get tons of stuff done! He lists out his goals and checks them off. He is steady in all outside obligations. The other, a 3/4 is an “Obliger” which does a thing if expected of her by others, not taking care of herself as much as she should (not so good at self-expectations). Maybe these concepts will help you understand yourself?
Thanks for sharing! I had never heard of the 4 motivations before… and, yikes, looks like I’m a Rebel!
My husband always complains about how I tend to ignore him when he asks me to do something (which I honestly did not realize I was doing). And one of the reasons I questioned whether I really was a 4 was because my attempts to create structure for myself (like cleaning schedules, etc.) tend to fail so miserably. But being my own authority is a really big deal to me.
Funny… I never really thought of myself as being a rebel before, but it makes perfect sense!
My sister thinks I have a bit of Rebel (it could be the INTP independence factor showing up), but I know I am an Obliger primarily. That is why my husband had some adjustment when I started expressing myself more boldly. I was so much a “don’t rock the boat/make everyone happy” person living like a 2. I even have trouble loosing weight after he made a statement about liking me more cushioned/curvy. When I assumed he liked me thin, I had no trouble loosing the weight after a baby, HA! I had my Obliger-ness shown to me in the last week, and it was totally done by my subconscious without realizing it till afterward.
Love EFT too and Carol’s work.
Anna, your story sounds very much like mine! I am also a 4/2 that had to live as a 2. I am also INTP. 😉 Learning that I’m a 4 and entitled to my very bold opinions was very freeing!
I always thought them, now I am more free to share them:) Sometimes my boldness is mistaken for negativity when I am making what I see as an observation of fact, lol.
I’m INFJ and I think I’m a Type 2 (still don’t know my secondary, but tend to s4). I absolutely love myers-briggs 🙂
Wow, did this ever resonate with me. I believe I am a 4/3, and In fact when I watched the video you made with Megan, I cried! All my life these two facets of me have waged war and stopp d me in my tracks. When I lead with 4, I am slammed for not moving fast enough or for being too “picky”. When I lead with three, I am “pushy and overbearing.” Now, I see the patterns that have kept me stuck and also what their strengths are, and I am embracing them and seeing pattern types in my family which have informed their behaviors toward me. I’m more comfortable with my true nature now, and see this dynamic combination for the powerhouse it is! Thank you for your work.
Great questions, Carol. Clearly, I have a wounded self and I am working on it daily & have been for 2 years. I read what Kate Ortega said below and when I started dyt, I immediately immediately said “Absolutely, no way ever am I a ‘2’!” Still to this day am annoyed by the thought of it and have not even looked at it in depth. I am assuming that hopefully I just am not a “2”. Typed myself as a 4. But on all questions below I demonstrate wounded child. My mother swears I am a “2” and she recalls me as a child…even my aunt says I was naturally a “2”. I even argued with then that I am a “4”. They had some valid examples of how I displayed a 2 nature. I’m confused. Is my 2 the wounded child and my 4 my real nature? I have had a rough set of circumstances as an adult. I do recall myself as a young adult very much as a 2, but I feel that now I am a different person and even sometimes say I wish I could go back in time and smack myself out of it, because I was too sweet & I feel that contributed to the challenges I endured as an adult being taken advantage of. Throughout my adult life I have had to be tough and I’m not sure if that is my nature or my survival to handle the curveballs. I am positive I am a lower movement. This healing work is certainly challenging, but I am committed to it.
I don’t fully understand this question, “Is my 2 the wounded child and my 4 my real nature?” The wounded child is the true nature, and to be safe and accepted we begin to (usually our secondary because it’s right there) behave as another type. Have you gone through the video Carol put up with the questions “What To Do When You Can’t Figure Out Your Energy Type?” I had to do it 9 times before I got to the answer, saw a theme in my answers that matched the theme in my counseling that made it clear. I went and put on my husbands gray shirt and felt my whole body take a collective sigh of relief. Maybe do the video with the clearing of “I Don’t Like My Type” for T2 and see what happens. I did it for T1 and nothing, did it for T2 and bawled. I didn’t need to clear T1 because I’m not a T1.
Thank you for that info. I guess I thought that the wounded self is the self that tries to hide the true nature, maybe like through it off. I certainly am learning. I am doing errands today and was in a long line. Was enjoying reading ur answer and then it was my turn. I will definitely check out the video later and am eager to do that. The gray shirt epiphany sounds so precious. So happy for you. Hug!!!! Beautiful.
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Ok, Kate. I am home from errands and have a moment to ponder. Maybe when I wrote my question above it should have been a two parter. Thank you for genuinely reading my response enough to think about it. I appreciate it. From what I shared, my mom, and even aunt both feel I was definitely and naturally a “2” as a child, – complete with numerous examples to support their belief. I, on the other hand, believe I am a “4”, but when I tried to point that out they shot me down and still do by saying I have never been this characteristics of a 4. So, that is one portion I think about. The other portion (aka 2nd part) is that after taking Carol’s question quiz, I agreed wholeheartedly with the fact that I was wounded as a child, seeing I answered all question to support wounded childhood, even tho I had a decent childhood. You can throw in the part where I honestly have completely had this block or resistance to even consider myself as a ” 2″ and have avoided really even studying it, so I guess I have 3 layers I’m considering. Now, Carol said in the article, “You were shamed or disciplined for being your true self as a small child is very high” depending on how you answer the questions. So, I should have probably asked the following questions, not just the one I wrote, which you’re correct was confusing (sorry).
1. If I believe I am a “4”, then why does my family continue to say I have always naturally been a ” 2″?
2. Why have I been very, very resistant to even consider I am a “2”? Is it because I am a “4” and am adamant or because I am a “2” and refusing to be the self people claim I am.
3. If I am wounded, which I admit I am, then am I hiding the fact that I am a “2” to avoid not seeing the truth or is the real “4” in me needing to heal because I was raised as a “2”?
4. Can I be a “2” and be so wounded somehow that I insist on being a “4”? Or am I a “4” that is wounded because I was naturally living like a “2”?
Kate, Hope that helps clear up confusion and yes, I will watch the video clip. Thank you. Hopefully I will not need to watch it 9 times, but God bless you for working hard to find your truth. So sweet, and the story of your hubby’s shirt is priceless. As I go through my divorce, I wish I could have a hubby’s shirt to try on. Hug & Smile.
Carol has said several times that most women accurately assess themselves. In the video of the T2 and T4 facial features she also said “IF you have used facial profiling correctly and body language assessment references correctly….” So maybe your mother and aunt are not interpreting correctly. I know I wasn’t. I misinterpreted the T2 attention to detail as the T4 perfecting, and the T2 calmness for the T4 stillness for example. But T4 felt too rigid for me. Because it’s not me, I’m T2, just misinterpreted very similar outward looking traits. You said you believe you are a T4. Live T4. If it’s not you you’ll feel it.
(I mistook those 2 traits and 4 traits as well. I have both, but mistook my primary. It was dressing in the true colors of my type that confirmed it for me.)
Yes, dressing the colors helped immediately for me also. Since I was misinterpreting T2 traits as T4, I would sometimes put on a T4 black shirt and see how it made me feel. I felt nothing. I couldn’t see a real difference. When Carol said most women assess themselves correctly with their first hit intuitively, and “IF” people are using the assessment correctly it hit me that I was right on the intuitive hit, but misinterpreting it for the wrong type. I went and put on one of my husbands T2 gray shirts and I immediately felt like every bit of my body was sighing in relief! I felt it.
The title of this article gave me hope that I might find some info that I need, but it went a different direction than I needed. My childhood was fine and my parents let me be me, but in my teen and adult years I have suffered from depression. Can anyone lead me to information/resources on the affects of depression on energy profiling and/or tragic life events? I have still not found my type after two years of processing and just recently have I felt that depression is skewing who I really am so its difficult to get an accurate read. For example, my friend thinks I’m a T1 because of my eyes and endless ideas, but nothing about me is fun, light, bubbly, etc. I am not social at all. I used to be as a child and early teen, but haven’t felt that way since my teen years when depression first hit. Also, I went through a divorce in my early twenties and my face literally changed. I had a college roommate that could not recognize me after my divorce. I kind of think the adult me is a T3 but I do not have the upward energy that I feel T3’s are supposed to have. I have tons of ideas, but do not have the energy to get stuff done when my depression hits. I have other hang-ups with a T3 profile, not related to depression, so I haven’t fully embraced it yet. I think I’ve ruled out T2 and T4 (but not as secondaries). Just wondering how to see through my depression and get to who I really am underneath the weight of chronic illness. Thanks for any direction.
What type of toddler/young child were you? Carol has said that your Type does not change, if you weren’t a T3 child you aren’t a T3 adult for example. Were you a T1 child? I am absolutely sure that depression would cloud over that sunshine! I know that all the types can be depressed, but I bet there are different ways that each type expresses in that state, sort of like the fireworks and T1 and T3 anger comments that Carol made in the video showing facial differences between a T2 and a T4. Carol says the #1 indicator is the facial features, then body movements and I was making tons of excuses as to why my face and body movements were really all the types except T2 because T2 was not safe. Does T1 feel unsafe? Carol has also said that with women that can’t figure out their type, most women correctly assess themselves the first time; but then dismiss it. Have you done the video called “What To Do When You Can’t Figure Out Your Energy Type”? I did it 9 times before the answer was clear because I didn’t want to see it.
Wow! Good for you Kate for sticking to it!
My wounded self is a mixture of types 2 and 4 with type 2 dominant. Type 2 is very common for a wounded self but Type 4 is also quiet. Type 4 is still and perfectionist. I would get slapped down just for doing things instead of sitting there being quiet but an activity is OK if it’s something you’re dedicated to and have been involved with it for a long time. Today I wrote a list of things I liked that other people have disliked me for such as cycling, walking alone in the countryside and drawing and realised over the years when feeling stronger and bolder I pursued them with more zeal as I was energised by their disapproval.
In my 20’s when I was a church goer I let those activities slide and felt a lack of interest in them because then I didn’t enjoy anything that other people disapproved of and went along with what other people were doing at the time and joined them. I still have the impression that the only acceptable activity for girls and women outside of the home in their spare time is shopping unless invited to do something else. They think you are mad to want to visit the cinema, the park or a museum on your own. I have realised though that I am Type 1/2 and need a lot of colour in my life and love an array of colours rather than a colour scheme in the home, possessions and colour. I hate beige or white as a background colour. I also like putting on silly voices. I’m not too big on large patterns and frills though.
I always get tangled up in introspection considering this, but I’m more and more certain I was NOT wounded as a child but have lost myself since I got married and had children. My husband and I each turned 20 just before we were married, our 27 year anniversary is coming up in September. I’ve been feeling at odds with who I became who I am and how to balance my life for the last 10 years and chalked it up to transitions due to life circumstances and more recently hormonal changes but I am increasingly having to admit there is something more significant going on. I;ve been considering how long I’ve been gaslighted and how much I’ve subverted myself to make my life work along the way. I’m trying not to overreact about it make any rash or dramatic decisions but I did just this past week get myself a kitten that I joked I could name “little red corvette”. (Her name is Willow, I’m sometimes sure I’m T2, sometimes not so sure.. going on 4 1/2 years)
I hope you find your true self. I understand about loosing yourself as well. M t3 husband used to buy me clothes in colors he enjoyed… which made me feel depleted. With type 2 tendencies (since it is my secondary) it was easy to loose myself trying to make others happy/comfortable…
Not to mention I am one of Gretchen Rubin’s “Obliger” motivated types. Which I can now look back as motivation to live as a 2 when I was really a 4/2.
WOW! just today I was thinking about Rubin’s 4 types – of which I am a flaming obliger, no doubt at all – and wondered how they correlated with DYT if they did at all. I’ve been seriously struggling to decide between 2 and 3 – you’d think that wouldn’t be so hard, but I swear my secondary is so strong that I can’t decide. And I am not good at physically profiling… I even looked at the celebs mentioned in Carol’s books – trying to type them and often had a hard time. I understand your “motivation to live as a 2” – I’m still trying to decide if I’m motivating myself to be a 2 or really am.
“Bunny trail”:
My type 1/4 (oldest) daughter is one of Gretchen’s “Rebel” motivation type. She does not conform to what I would have expected. Now so much of her growing up makes sense learning about it. Yes, she was boisterous and dramatic as a 1 would be. If I had been told to do what she was told to do as a child… I would have complied immediately…not her! She needed time to deliberate in her mind whether it was worth it or not to comply. Grown now, she doesn’t like to be limited to type 1 colors… She is allowed black or khaki at work and usually chooses black. She is moving out on her own this week…sigh….she will be missed…but honestly, I hope she learns some basic things on her own that I haven’t been able to impart/get through to her as her motivation type is in the way…
My type 3/4 daughter is also one of Gretchen’s “Obliger” motivation types like I am. She gets a lot done and it is easy for others to rely on/ask her to do things others won’t usually do. She does get to a point if her load is big enough that she pushes back to say no more in her own type 3 way.
My type 4/1 daughter is a “flaming Obliger” like you called yourself. She loves things orderly and will do other’s areas. She does get burned out easily at this (I think its her secondary type 1 coming out) and won’t do it consistently, especially if its not appreciated (“Words of Affirmation” is very strong as a Love Language for her). I think my other 4/1 daughter is probably a “Rebel”. She is in her own type 4 world and will just finish doing or even decide to do whatever she wants without regard for/listening to what is asked of her. Its like it doesn’t go in her ears.
I think my oldest son, a 4/3 is a “Rebel’ as well. I can’t get him to do ANYTHING he doesn’t want to do. All my other sons that I have typed (1/4, 2/1, and 1/2) are totally (flaming if you will) “Questioner” types…it almost drove me crazy this week! My 1/2 toddler son asked me so many questions about what fruit we’d have and if he could/I had checked what was ripe every day since we got groceries! HA!. Me and my type 4 need for quiet! LOL!
Oh, and my 3/2 husband is a powerhouse as the only “Upholder” I know closely.
My secondary was so strong as well.. I’d lived it all my life. I went for several years thinking I was a 2 when really I was a 4/2.
[Re-posting: I would recommend trying the full spectrum of colors for your suspected type until you find which type’s colors resonates/”jive” with your energy. I felt in my energy right away a difference. I did have an emotional issue with black and NEVER wore it. I worked hard to get over that with EFT, etc. As a 4 (after getting over my emotional inhibition) black felt energizing and grounding. It still does. 🙂 Greyed 2 colors and darkened 3 colors (as well as 4 spectrum that got faded til it wasn’t 4 anymore) which I had tended to wear, made me feel tired or depleted. I am too quiet a person to feel comfortable in bright 1 colors. Even though I felt good and energized in 4 colors, they took getting used to. Even the 4 colors were too vivid emotionally/mentally for my timid, then-wounded/surrogate-type 2 self.]
Gaslighting is a horrible system to be under. God bless you and help you to be strong. Been there…
I need some help. One of the problems I have had with trying to determine my energy type is that when I look back on my life, when I was the happiest I seemed to have exhibited a lot of type 1 energy (that was when I was living away from home and felt free to be myself), but when I got upset, stressed, or just wasn’t happy, I exhibited a lot of type 4 energy. What does that mean?
It also seems that each aspect of my life, is dominate in a different energy type, I see all four. Is it possible to be an equal balance of all four types?
Growing up I can remember experiences where I was shamed for everything. It was like no matter what type I was trying to be (to find acceptance), I was shamed for it. I was shamed for existing. So how do I discover my type?
Also, I’m scared to discover my type because since the spring of 2011 I have gotten so comfortable with suppressing everything about myself and even more so in the last two years. Hiding is my comfort zone.
Does anyone have any suggestions to help me?
For some reason I feel compelled to respond to you. I have a few insights I want to share with you but please take everything I say as an outsider’s opinion; I’m not a DYT expert. Trust yourself above anyone else, Carol always says you know yourself best and it’s true!
First, Carol has addressed the question of being equally split between all four types and you will always lead with a dominant energy but we have all four in us. So you do have a primary energy.
Second, you said that when you’ve been happy and free to be yourself that you exhibit type 1 energy, that’s a strong sign of who you are! As far as showing type 4 traits under stress, it’s possible that you retreat to
a secondary energy or just who you think you should be. Because being you already doesn’t feel safe in a normal situation, let alone a stressful one. I’ll share that my secondary is type 1 and it took me a long time to determine that because I saw all the possibilities in my secondary, even though I knew my dominant type right away! Consider type 1, if it’s not right you will know.
As far as suggestions to help you determine your type, Carol has so many resources to help you. Do some of her clearing videos or any other video that is designed to address emotion and pay attention to how you respond to them. The other thing that never fails is facial profiling and observing body language; even if we are shamed or traumatized those things never change, it’s who we are. On another note, don’t think too much, this is supposed to be intuitive and speaking from experience, overthinking just gets in the way. I
got frustrated many times trying to figure out my secondary and I had to take breaks from trying to address it. Eventually I just trusted that it would come to me as I worked on myself and it did!
Lastly, please don’t be afraid to discover your type. It will free you. As you come to know yourself you will be more comfortable with who you are and all of your traits. Remember that discovering your type doesn’t
mean that you have to start acting a certain way or do anything you don’t want to do. It’s meant to bring peace and understanding. And also remember that no matter what your type this is a community that will accept you for whoever you are! There is no good or bad type, only beauty and individuality that’s meant
to be celebrated. Those negative feelings are not serving you and you don’t deserve to live in such a way that allows so many of others’ expectations to be placed on you. So let it all go!! Tune into yourself; allow your type to present itself to you and grace us with your unique self!!
Sending you supportive vibes!
I would recommend trying the full spectrum of colors for your suspected type until you find which type’s colors resonates/”jive” with your energy. I felt in my energy right away a difference. I did have an emotional issue with black and NEVER wore it. I worked hard to get over that with EFT, etc. As a 4 (after getting over my emotional inhibition) black felt energizing and grounding. It still does. 🙂 Greyed 2 colors and darkened 3 colors (as well as 4 spectrum that got faded til it wasn’t 4 anymore) which I had tended to wear, made me feel tired or depleted. I am too quiet a person to feel comfortable in bright 1 colors. Even though I felt good and energized in 4 colors, they took getting used to. Even the 4 colors were too vivid emotionally/mentally for my timid, then-wounded/surrogate-type 2 self.
I typed myself as a 2 but Carol told me I am a 4/1. I cried, because a 2 felt so heavy to me, I am a happy 4/1 and that is who I am and growing more each day to be myself, not stifled as the 2, I was required to be.
This really spoke to me. I was severely wounded at about 6 years of age by a grandparent, while my mother watched and didn’t intervene. Needless to say, from that day forward I tried very hard to be someone other than my quiet, gentle and sensitive self. I let what I believe to be my secondary and my tertiary types dominant. It was such a relief to me to settle into my dominant type 2 energy. I am glad I’m sensitive, it makes me happy to be able to sense others discomfort, so that I can help them. I love being this soft, subdued and subtle creature, and yet know that I have a quiet determination that is steady. I didn’t even consider this type the first three times reading through the book, It’s Just My Nature. I took detailed notes my fourth time through it and realized I had been hiding from myself for over 60 years. It was completely unacceptable to be sensitive in my family. I was made fun of a whole lot because I cried easily. I was called “Weepy” and told to stop asking so many questions. I’m healing in wonderful ways now. Embracing my sensitive nature and just being able to be slower and more methodical in my daily routine is…..well there are no adequate words. Thank you Carol for this wonderful work and all the great videos. I have the most wonderful wardrobe now with clothes I really love, and jewelry pieces and oh the scarves I have always loved. It’s just wonderful, can’t thank you enough.
One thing this article does not address is if you are still in an environment where people want to change you or be someone you’re not. My last job I was in they wanted everyone to be T1 (because the regional manager was T1 so it came from the top down.) I was constantly criticized for all my T4 traits (I’m too critical, too black & white, etc. which is ironic because a large portion of my job was auditing documents) because I wasn’t willing to be someone I’m not. Judging and condemning aren’t limited to childhood and can still be damaging as an adult! Just wanted to throw this idea out there in case someone else had experienced a similar environment as an adult. Good luck!
That is a really good point. True
I experience that. I’m too analytical, too sophisticated, too critical. I can’t leave the situation, but knowing I’m a Type 4, and the person making them is a Type 1, has helped me not take those criticisms too much to heart, because I am analytical, critical, and sophisticated in my thinking. Because of who makes them, though, they can still be quite hurtful.
Yeah this is true and difficult when you are criticized for being yourself at ANY age. Does it help at all to remove the personal aspect, knowing it isn’t YOU, it’s her as a T1 insisting others be T1 also? It’s not like she is coming at and attacking you only, but everyone that isn’t exhibiting T1, right?
So would it be safe to say that your wounded self is different from your secondary energy?
I think a person’s secondary is the most likely to be the wounded self. It is for me. When we learn it is not safe to be our true self…our primary, we often fall back to our secondary.
Ok, I am back to this particular discussion again. Healing is certainly a process and I have set the intention to heal this year and the journey has been awesomely grueling, so please bear with me. While watching Carol’s Live show last night (8/7/17) with guest “Laura” (3/2), I was just simply watching and learning. She had this humongous smile…bigger than life, so big her gums even were part of the smile…beautiful woman. Well, midway thru the show, a memory from my childhood came rushing into my mind…a memory that I had completely and utterly forgotten. When I was a child I had that same exact smile with my wide lips and the gums. My mother insisted that I not smile and would say, “We must do something with those gums, and until then, close your mouth and smile”. She even would tell people, strangers even, “One day she is going to get braces to correct that smile”. This went on for years until I finally got the braces in 6th grade. Now, God bless my mom, she didn’t know and I don’t blame her. She wanted her daughter to have a perfect smile. But, when that memory flooded in, I was overwhelmed with tears of joy. I actually ended up falling asleep with tears of contentment from what should have been a horrible memory. I know, -Crazy! My intention to heal, sent me this stuffed memory & that is why I was relieved for an answer of some sort. Since I was a toddler I was taught to not smile…ingrained to not smile, horribly. Even in pics growing up i can see I either didn’t smile or did a tiny smile while being conscious to hide my gums. My tears of joy flooded. I had a piece to my puzzle. Here is a photo of me from 6th grade that I have detested where I have the crazy, frizzy hair, the braces, and those ” gums” still, which did eventually cease after orthodontic work was completed, plus my crazy chin I hated. Well, I hated this photo of me and always had. Always. Almost destroyed it, but never could bring myself to do it, because that really, really was the real “me”..even tho I would grow up painfully perfecting a totally different look…straight hair, perfect clothes, polished look, no smile, clear unfreckled skin (aka t4)…even though, as my healing journey has been popping up little weird, confusing morsels of strange glimpses of hope, maybe…I have T3 hands, my unscripted writing is completely messy and fast with scribbles, arrows, and part print/cursive, plus I originally first immediately typed myself as a T3 and my first course was aT3, which I immediately returned because my mom told me I was a T2 as a child…which yes, I did/do love soft, comfortable items and was very girlie girl and soft, gentle, and sensitive, cautious, kind, romantic, and floraly….but there really was this other side to me, the one with the big gummy smile and the activity and the running and biking and determined side with the very frizzy, unruly hair, which my husband had been saying the whole time I was a T3. So, tears of joy…hmm…I had posted earlier about what is my wounded side? I thought originally maybe t2 bcuz mom (and aunt said I am/was a 2 and had loads of examples), but no way….the flooded memory makes me wonder if my wounded side, that I have been hiding in the background is actually my true self: a 3, and I grew up as a 2 because that is my secondary that was accepted, but as I grew and I tried to polish my rough side into a bold 4 to try to feel good about myself as a dynamic 3, and the only other category to squish into was the bold 4. Maybe some of my recent depression lately has been because I have been living as a 4, plus I am still recovering from my brain surgery in Feb,….and being “still” is driving me nuts… When I go to the mailbox, all I long to do, but can’t, is to go jogging for 5 miles. Hmmm…here is the darn pic of me with the braces, gums, my crazy, big chin, and frizzy hair…I can’t believe I am even posting this somewhere…plus a photo I love of myself where I went naturally with my crazy curls and hair color in my early 40s (you can see the long smile lines that are longer than little dimples), and then a more recent pic me with my straight, blonde hair that I have to extravagantly straighten, which drives me nuts (and you can clearly see my face and see triangular areas)..maybe this is why my closet used to/(and still secretly has) loads of leopard and my house is decorated primarily in leopard. Hmmm. Excuse my ramblings but that Live Show with Laura was powerful for me. Not sure if it really means anything or I am just being wildly foolish. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e968bcaa43ae4d3c6a8b611a4c8c91e5fddf5f56f5b34f89a115cdd40cbf3b6c.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/863075a1ce5cfe2ea1594113fbc27f945eb5e45b81d2df0c94679452427d30a0.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ba70dd55bd0a218ca74201f42b36461ed3fdafeb478f44881438d552b2773939.jpg
I found an interesting speaker that may be applicable to some that feel wounded… Sort of some ahah moments If you are somewhat familiar with this guy…these are not his satire variety, these are serious…mostly;)
Search youtube for:
Overcoming Abandonment Issues – with JP Sears
Dealing with a Narcissist – with JP Sears
I’m a Type 4/1, and I can definitely say I identify with this. The only difference for me was, learning I was a Type 4 was a validation of how I see myself, rather than a contradiction. I have felt, most of my life, as though I was waging a constant battle to be myself. I “don’t socialise enough”, and I “don’t jump up and down with excitement” (a particularly hurtful criticism in my childhood frequently repeated by a 1/4). I did learn to use my secondary T1 to get by, but if I stay in that mode for too long, I don’t like myself very much. I love being a T4, but I do still struggle with “being” a T1 in new situations. I’ve been called uptight, a prude, standoffish, and unapproachable, and all I am is reserved. But, I don’t care anymore. I am who I am, and you can take me or leave me.
I’m a Type 4/1, and I can definitely say I identify with this. The only difference for me was, learning I was a Type 4 was a validation of how I see myself, rather than a contradiction. I have felt, most of my life, as though I was waging a constant battle to be myself. I “don’t socialise enough”, and I “don’t jump up and down with excitement” (a particularly hurtful criticism in my childhood frequently repeated by a 1/4). I did learn to use my secondary T1 to get by, but if I stay in that mode for too long, I don’t like myself very much. I love being a T4, but I do still struggle with “being” a T1 in new situations. I’ve been called uptight, a prude, standoffish, and unapproachable, and all I am is reserved. But, I don’t care anymore. I am who I am, and you can take me or leave me.
I have a pattern that keeps coming up. In the course and two books by Carol I always skip Type 3. I don’t know if it is because I’m really not a Type 3 or if I’m just avoiding something. I’ll admit, out of all the types, Type 3 scares me.
Wow. As someone who initially mis-Typed myself, and then came into my truth – this is very true, and very reaffirming.
I’m t1 and I feel my type 1ness some times and not other times. It’s not easy knowing I’m a t1 and then trying to find my secondary. I took a break from Facebook because it was so overwhelming with everyone else trying to find there type that it got me all confused on what type I am. Hopefully I’ll find my type and secondary as I take the time to look toward myself in this busy world. I’m slowly working through my past and trying to forgive my mom for things she has done so I can find who I am without the pain and hatred that was pulled me down over the years.
One of my earliest memories is the feeling that I wasn’t real. I had the idea that everyone else was allowed to be themselves, but it wasn’t safe for me to be myself. The way I understood being real was being spontaneous. Thank you for yet another Type 1 Aha!