Ever have the blues?
I’m not talking about grief over loss, but that sense that things aren’t right. Maybe you’ve offended someone, or they’ve offended you.
Join me and the Dressing Your Truth 4 Types Panel as we discuss the ins and outs of sadness.
“Let’s just work it out!”
Which Type of woman approaches conflict this way?
You’ll find that out along with learning who has difficulty giving themselves permission to be sad.
The first step to experiencing sadness in a healthy way is recognizing that you’re in charge of your own emotional space.
What’s your experience with sadness? Please share it in the comments.
As a T4 I totally relate to the privacy of the emotional expression and the need to process. It does take me a while to think things through. I find that when I do feel ready to discuss something sometimes other people have moved on and don’t really care anymore— What I have learned about that is that if I really do need to discuss something with someone the sooner I do it the better. In effect if I don’t the other individuals think I didn’t care at all about the situation when in fact I care deeply. Then they are surprised when I bring it up–“why didn’t you say so earlier?”
Thank you for posting. You helped me, as a T1, understand more how T4s are. I have a number of T4 in my life and it’s been challenging in the are of communication. DYT has truly helped me to appreciate T4s more – almost get a glimpse of what’s going on inside of them – so I can understand them and not take their way towards me as a personal offense. I know now that I need to give T4s space to operate in their way. And just because they don’t communicate in the same way I do doesn’t mean they don’t care.
This is how I handle tiny sadness as a T2/1. Sunday morning I tried to put on pantyhose for church, I have always worn them to church with skirts…but this time I didn’t seem to be able to get them on…they were definitely cutting off my comfyness and I had only gotten as far as my right knee. I began to worry and feel sad this wasn’t working out. I began to feel worried I was going to have to call 911. Suddenly the whole thing was a little humorous. To cheer myself out of this pickle I whisked quickly out of them and tossed them in the garbage. i looked at them sadly and decided to be done with panty hose.
This is great. I was just thinking that I really want to see a Four Types panel on “bad days.” (What constitutes a bad day to each type, what sort of things trigger, and then how do they not only bounce back, but how do they process through what they’re feeling/dealing with.) This is a nice slice of that equation. 🙂 Thank you, ladies!
I’m a type 1 and I want to disconnect or “clear the air” quickly as well. I change the subject or say “I’m sorry” a lot too, take responsibility for things I haven’t done, and I agree that it’s probably part of my desire to move on quickly to happier things. I’m willing to take on the negativity or responsibility because I can quickly let it go when others can’t or don’t want to. I also cry fairly easily when I see other people cry, in movies or in person, and I think part of it is the open type 1 energy of being able to adapt to the energy easily and when I can’t do anything about it or disconnect then I give in and cry too. I hate seeing other people sad, I literally cannot keep myself from crying when I see my type 4 husband do it because he feels so deeply and cries so rarely, I feel it and want to take it away for him. When it comes to my own sadness, I really feel guilty and weird about feeling it because it goes against the happiness I naturally want to create in the world. I can only think of 3 people in the world I share my sadness with and even with them I feel more sad about being sad around them than being sad in the first place most of the time lol. My husband is always surprised by how quickly I can move on from it and lighten up again though. 🙂
Wow! I certainly can identify with everything you just expounded on , especially, regarding your T 4 hubby as mine is as well. When my husband cries which is rare , I just melt into a puddle. Like you , I can share my emotions and tears with others but my energy always wishes to console others first and move them into the light. I would rather apologize for things, even though they are not my fault in order, to move others on to a path of forgiveness and happiness. True grief and sadness, I resolve more in private or with very close confidants. tThose select few, who would be comfortable sharing my grief. It is not unusual for me to have a delayed reaction to mourning a death for example, as I am the person who helps others first back into a path of healing and light.
As a T4 I definitely feel the need for privacy and I feel the embarrassment of making mistakes. Because of my S1, I also feel the need to disconnect and keep things light for others. What ends up happening is I end up trying to ignore my deep feelings and ‘sweep them under a rug’ until they finally explode and it ends up looking like the way T3’s deal with sadness. I confront it and I feel immense anger and I just want to work it out, to perfect it! I see it as another aspect of all or nothing trying to creep up.
That’s exactly right Megan! This is a pattern I’ve discovered in myself that I have been trying to improve since energy profiling. Now, I’m more likely to say that I need some time to process or tell people that I have to think about it before I respond. I’m beginning to understand why I react the way I do! Yay!
I am a t2 and really related to this! I tend to sulk when I am feeling down–needing time to process and cry is definitely important.
I can relate to both the type 1 and type 2 methods. I have always felt other peoples sadness deeply and want to talk it out with them and offer guidance and advice. I also tend to want to fix things that I see are going wrong in the lives of other members of my family and the world at large (if I’m being honest) 🙂 . For instance, my adult son is in a situation now and I know he can handle it, but I want to protect him from the ugliness and the stress. So I am quick to let him know that if he needs me to step in, I am here. I also empathize with complete strangers. However, when someone I barely know shares very intimate and hurtful things with me and perhaps becomes emotional and starts to cry, it does make me uncomfortable because I do not have an emotional connection with them and so am unsure what response would be appropriate. I don’t want to cross personal boundaries and give someone I barely know a hug, if it would not be well received, so I feel inadequate to deal with situation, but I still want to be there for them.
As for the type 1 tendencies, I will quickly apologize for things I did not do. I was always made to apologize as a child and as a teen, even when I was right and had done nothing wrong, so some of the immediate response of I’m sorry could be a habit that was formed over many years. Also, I am more comfortable if I know that tears are near, leaving the situation, and crying by myself. Again, crying was frowned upon when I was a child. Being told if you want to cry I will give you a reason, was something I heard a lot. It is really hard to see what is a natural behavior and what is learned in many of these situations. 🙂
I enjoyed with video, however I think it gives the impression that only Type 2s are strong empaths. I am not a type 2…maybe 1 or 3, but am an empath and take on others energy very easily. I believe all types can be empathic.
I believe I am an empath – T1. After feeling what they are feeling I do try to pull them out of the blues or other challenging situation. I seeing that I can disconnect since learning that I am T1.
Totally agree with you.
I agree, all Types can be empathic. I am!
I am a type 1 and I want to make people feel better but more in a type 2 kind off way. I want to be there for them. I can get really emotional and cry at great, powerful, emotional adds or at emotional, sad moments in a movie or whith seeing people cry, whether it’s happy tears or sad ones.
Only with my type 3 son I can’t touch him when he cries when he is mad. Then I need to let him be (which is really hard) and after a certain amount of time distract him with teasing him or tickling him.
And thank you as I also have a type 4 son that I now realized I should let retreat and think and give him space till he is ready to talk and cuddle (as he does love to cuddle with me at home).
Loving your outfit, Carol!
Anna K’s too!
As a t2 I deal with sadness in an introverted way, just feeling it or crying. Don’t share unless it’s also part of a bigger issue I’m trying to work through.
Totally relate to T3. I get mad first, when someone hurts my feelings, then I try to figure out how to fix it.
I’m a T1 but do not say “I’m Sorry” a lot. My husband hates that part of me but I only say sorry if I think I’m wrong which is seldom in my world. LOL Maybe that’s my secondary T4? I do disconnect though. And I can’t handle the sad too long. It is just too heavy and I quickly talk myself out of it or distract myself. My T2 mom has told me my entire life that I am cold or heartless, and I think it’s cause I can’t handle the sadness and bringing me down conversations so I make light of it. Then she thinks I don’t care cause I make light of it…
I am the same way! Phew! (Also 1/4.) I get accused of both not saying sorry enough and of being cold/heartless. I don’t say sorry unless I really mean it, and I only really mean it when I’ve done something I feel was truly wrong – not because of someone else’s mental construct or issues they have to work through. And it’s not that I’m heartless, I’m just choosing not going down that rabbit hole because I know nothing good or productive will come of it.
I hear you! So good to hear this from other 1/4 ‘s.
Thank you so much! I’ve been trying to figure out my mother’s type, to better understand the dynamic between us, and this provided exactly the missing piece I needed to clear up something that was causing confusion.
Thought I was a T2 for over a year and now am realizing that I’m T4. The explanation of separating myself from the situation fits perfectly! In fact I used to worry about myself because I felt like I wasn’t feeling enough emotion, but now I understand that it’s just my type! Thanks so much Carol for helping me find myself
With people I haven’t really opened up to (basically everyone except my husband and mother), I definitely do go quiet. I want to disappear and analyze what went wrong and how things should have gone. However, with my husband, I wear my heart on my sleeve. The poor guy is a T1 that would love to just move on and make things light, but I like to make sure we understand each other and have a plan to prevent misunderstandings in the future. Now I have some thoughts for how I can better respond to him because my heaviness can sure make him feel down and I definitely don’t want to do that to him.
So, t3 here. This video could not be more timely, I just woke up with “The Blues” this morning and the little things make me mad when I am sad. I know that I am sad just because I am sleep deprived and have two wonderful small children. My t3 hubs and I will push each other when one of us is upset, and it drives him crazy! He doesn’t really realize he does it. (But just three weeks ago we realized after a year and a half that he is a t3!) I am realizing that I feel better if we work things out quickly and I get my explosive emotion and that I am not threatened by him reacting to it. He has been internalizing his reactions for so long, one of the things that made me reevaluate what his type was and consider that he could be a t3 was in an argument about how I felt about something he very intensely asked, “Why is it ok for you to push, but when I push back it’s wrong?!?” and I realized he was angry about not being allowed to react. When I started thinking about his upbringing I realized that in his family it was wrong to be a type 3, in fact the only energy that is acceptable to my t1 mother-in-law is t1! No wonder my poor hubs is sad and burnt out! I am so in need of rest right now I lost track of my point! Anyways, I guess my point was I needed this for two reasons, 1) I woke up with the blues 2) in the last few weeks in a moment of anger and sadness it brought to light what my hubs’ type was and now I am learning how to love and honor him!
Thank you for sharing this, Jena! We are glad to hear how Energy Profiling™ is blessing your life.
Thank you for this topic, Carol. Very relevant. I’m a 2/4 which I think really makes emotions a lot more intense because they have the added thought process to them. I feel and think very deeply and sometimes it could take me between a few hours and a few days to get over something. I grew up with a very strong T3 mother who whould always walk into my room when I was feeling bad and tell me to “just snap out of it”. I remember thinking “I don’t even know what that means or how I’m supposed to do that”. It was very difficult. In moments of sadness I have both the need to take some time alone to process and the need to connect to others emotionally and share. Still trying to figure that out, because I’m always being told by others that it’s too much for them. Not sure.. but this definitely gave me some important points. I guess turning to T1’s or T3’s will frustrate them, So I need to think about the correct balance. You got me thinking 🙂
I am a T4 and I am so grateful for this segment which I felt gave me more permission to be sad and express my emotions the way that has always been natural to me. I found I would judge myself for the way I privately think about what I’m feeling and not want to share it openly, like it was wrong to be that way, that I just need to change, my T3 husband is one who can’t stand the crying, so a lot of times I thought I was being more private just so he wouldn’t say anything about it. Now I feel free to feel what I feel my way and not judge myself. Thank you for helping during this healing process.
I am Type 3, Fire…..I just want it fixed and over with. Can we just not deal with the drama? Please? I don’t mind talking and feeling why you are upset. I am Ok listening and helping you to work through whatever is bothering you and if you want to talk about why I am your problem, I am totally open to that! Let’s do it and clear the air!
But if you want to play passive aggressive games and say things about me or my family behind my back…..watch out, I bite. So I completely relate to the anger/sadness paradigm. I really, really struggle and fight the tendency to bite back and usually have to process several ‘drafts’ whether written or verbal, before I feel like I can say what I need to and be nice.
And if I think about it and process it long enough, I always find sadness and hurt at the bottom of the pile, topped off with all of my attitude. At least I try to vent it before I address the problems and really have to search deep within myself to recognize why I am upset and how to best handle it in a way that is uplifting and beneficial for all involved.
Sadness is an internalized emotion, something we do to ourselves. Sadness is an expression of loneliness, and — the reassurance of love, is the remedy for loneliness. When I get down, I try to remember that Spirit loves me, Spirit is my partner in life. Spirit can and will help me if I ask, and open up to accepting the answers that come.
am.a type 1 but i have been living my entire adult life as a 2. I dont know what happened to make me swap to my secondary type 2 but what i want to know if how do i learn to now live as a type 1. How do i become the bubbly fun happy person when most of my life ive been quiter, extremely empathetic and feel awkward in any group of people i dont know intimately. I am also on medication for severe anxiety resulting in debilitating panic attacks. Please help
Hi Helen, Interesting question! I also wonder if there are ways to allow one’s hidden primary energy to emerge. I first identified as T3 which never felt like ‘home,’ then realized that I have many of the features of T1 in my face, but I really don’t approach the world at all like T1, as described in DYT and as experienced in the presence of my daughter, a strong and exuberant 1.
I was wondering if we could just sneak up on ourselves somehow. . .
I have been trying to forgive quickly, and then use my energy to heal and gain greater understanding. If I don’t forgive right away, my type 3 anger sets in and I end up wasting time dealing with negative thoughts. I am much happier when I say, I don’t understand why this happened, but it’s healthier for me to forgive. The sadness is not so intense, and I’m back to my happy self sooner.
I identified strongly with the phrase “want to have not made the mistake.”
My husband and I are both Type 4, and I can point out particular instances in our marriage when I attempted to retreat into my secondary 1 (apologizing for things I wasn’t responsible for to try to clear the air or diffuse the situation quickly), and recognizing that I need to honor my type has been helpful.
I also sometimes have difficulty with stepping back from my analytical nature to actually FEEL my feeling before I start thinking about why I feel the way I do, or criticize myself for feeling the way I do about a particular thing. When I take the time I really need to just feel (and don’t judge the length of time needed), I can come through the feeling itself and then think more clearly.
Watching this video I had a memory come to my mind of an argument I had with a boyfriend (who I’m now guessing is Type 4) maybe 30 years ago. I don’t remember what the argument was about, but I do remember thinking, “I don’t think this relationship will last if he can’t even stick around to work out an argument!” A couple of days later, he called me up to talk it over. It finally makes sense! Haha
As a 4/1, I rarely feel embarrassed when I give a cold response to someone’s sadness especially if it doesn’t make sense or because it’s too dramatic or trivial or silly. I’ve never been good at connecting emotionally with people in general but it has to make sense to invest the energy in feelings.
I am a type 4 and I have a hard time dealing with my oldest daughter’s (shes’ 9) fits of anger or sadness because they happen so fast, I feel like I have whiplash. I used to make a big deal about everything she said, then I thought it might be making it worse, so I started just telling her to get over it (if it wasn’t something that was a big deal). I always feel bad about it, but it is really hard for me to get all worked up over something I know she will forget in 10 minutes. She, however, thinks I don’t care about her at all, that I have never loved her, and she wants to move away. Then she’s fine. I think she’s a type 1.
I recommend putting your Type 4 core calmness to good use when her emotional drama kicks in. Maintain safety limits (no throwing things) and listen without judging, only give calm reassurance that you are available if she needs to talk after a particular event instead of adding to or discounting the emotional energy. The movie, Inside Out, does an excellent job of showing how very different points of view are prevalent and relevant to a given situation…maybe watch it as a family 🙂
I love seeing all the different blues next to each other. Very instructive. I’m a 1/2 and I cry at anything sentimental, sad, or sweet in movies, commercials, books, etc, but when it is about real life stuff I often disconnect or stuff it away in a private spot. I try to fix things or make sure that my emotions don’t make others uncomfortable. I think maybe I cry so readily at fiction because it is a release for the other stuff I hold inside and fail to really deal with. Hmmm. I really haven’t thought much about this, but it is time I tried to understand, because I have suffered some real significant losses in my life that are buried deep inside and not processed. Tapping on some physical symptoms has made me aware of how stuffing these emotions has affected me.
As a T4 in my closest relationships it has been extremely beneficial to address things immediately with a healthy communication model of validation, & bringing it back to “I feel”. Not something I always wanted to do and still struggle with. Sadness is so personal and not something to be rushed or paired with a cliche. I despise when people dish out cliches in my moments of sadness so I typically resort to solitude. I also heard once that sadness can be anger turned inward when it’s more depressive. I’ve learned sadness is not something to be intellectualized either because it’s not just the brain that experiences it, but the heart. I love having personal time to reflect because I do like the “work” of sifting and sorting; discernment and true resonance… But if I wait too long I will intellectualize my sadness and cut myself off at the neck so to say, as a means to disconnect from feeling the rawness and vulnerability. Suppression in a way… So addressing it head on helps me to balance sadness as a T4 🙂
I agree. Nothing angers me more than when people trivialize on sadness by “cheer up” comments.
Maybe this is my own unhealthy way of dealing with things, but as a T4 I find that while I am taking time to process – largely sadness, but sometimes any intense emotion (anger, stress, feeling overwhelmed, etc.) – I tend to have a “buck up and deal” kind of attitude and sometimes (this has been difficult for me to admit, but finally have – part of owning that I’m a T4, not T2) I lack empathy for those who do not do this. I internalize things very deeply, sometimes because I feel like I’m protecting others (It’s better if my children don’t know I’m sad, for instance or no good will come of anyone else seeing that I feel stressed), or sometimes just because I have so many thoughts and feelings going on inside me that I don’t even know where to begin to try to express them. But I have come to realize that I can come across as cold when I don’t mean to. Recently I told my best friend that I felt like I was a raging underwater volcano, frozen over by a glacier. All anyone could see was a serene arctic landscape – no one had a clue what was going on inside me. (When I say “raging” I don’t mean only anger, although I felt some of that – I meant just a whole conglomeration of emotions – powerful and deep and probably shocking to everyone who thinks I always have everything under control). Anyway, I’m working on this. Thank you for this post – very helpful.
Candie, your metaphor of a raging volcano frozen over by a glacier is brilliant. It resonates with me perfectly. I know precisely what you mean. And it is so comforting and reassuring to know that your feelings and your ways of processing emotions are shared in such a profound way. Thank you
Thank you, Elena. Nice to know we aren’t alone. 🙂
I had a mentor once tell me that she could see me as a flower trying to push through ice. The ice was a metaphor for the back then dysfunctional, potentially emotionally unsafe or even unsuitable environments, where I was not able to process the intense beauty(including agony and humiliation) and depth of my emotional spectrum. I since have made better choices. It began by me posting an 8.5×11 sheet of neon paper on the back of my bedroom door that read, “the problem is not how I feel, the problem is not feeling safe to feel what I feel… I create a safe place, I will no longer abandon myself in how I feel.” It’s been so tricky to find a realistic environment to process these feelings. My own buck up and deal is disguised under “doing” “fixing” do do do make it better… I think the depth of my emotional spectrum is so vast that it often intimidates me probably on some subconscious level. Your comment reminded me of all of this. Thank you for sharing.
Candie, your metaphor is the most precise description I’ve found for how I feel I sometimes experience my emotions. Thank you for putting that so clearly!
In my T2 world I realized that when I am sad about something I need to fist let myself be sad and cry. I do not like to cry in front of people a lot, but I will go snuggle up into my husbands arms and tell him I am sad and then cry. After crying a bit and letting myself feel sad, then I can start talking about what I think is making me sad. I also know that even if I spoke about it and told someone it still takes time for me to get over the feeling. Depending on what it was will indicate the time I will feel down. So I will tell my hubby, I am sad because of these things and I need time to work through it. Sometimes it take a hour and other times it takes a day or so. He is a T3 and DYT really helped us understand each other and respect each others process of dealing with emotions in our own way. So thank you Carol and team!
As a type one with a very strong secondary two, I find I often don’t give myself permission to cry or be upset for myself, but I cry easily for others. I can sympathise and help others like a type two, but then I want to cheer them up and lift them out of their blues.
I identify with what Marcie said about apologizing for things she didn’t even do. I was once on a bus and I noticed a lady walking down the aisle of the bus. I saw that she was going to step on a man’s foot, so I was saying, “sorry!” to him before the woman even realized she’d done it.
Thank you so much for this. I am a Type 1, with Type 2 secondary. I easily lash out at first, then have to calm down and worry about what I did. My husband is a type 4, Type 3 or 1 secondary (still working it out) for a long time it’s always been his way or the highway, so I revert back to my Type 2 and just hold everything in so I won’t cause issues. ( My Mom is like my husband). Then when I blow (type 3) it’s all bad. Listening to this and learning that my type 3 personality is a blessing, not a curse has helped me with dealing with the sadness/anger. (My type 3 is greatly used with my family of 11 and co-owning a business with my husband, but now I am learning how to steer things in the right way and be ok with handling things in my own way, instead of reverting to how everyone else thinks it needs to be done.) Thank you so much as you can imagine with 11 children we have all of the types, so this greatly helps with working with them too.
I have several interesting reactions. The first one is, I will be totally taken by surprise that there’s an ‘issue’ and all I can liken it to is those wind devils making a dancing funnel out of autumn leaves. I need to figure out what just happened. But in the meantime, I’m quick to at least act like I know what the deal is, and will take responsibility for everything to just end it. (Having said that, there won’t be a second time for that person to illicit that reaction.) The second one is, those moments where I can say, ‘This ain’t my first rodeo…’ and I will listen to what they’re laying at my feet, and then I will acknowledge my part in it AND point out their part in it. And if they push the envelope by staying in denial, I will stand nose to nose and bellow the ultimatum (which is great, because if I go all quiet, that means the red curtain is descending and physical actions not belonging to me ensue). I guess you’d call that the BIG DISCONNECT, because I’m tucked somewhere safe in my brain while someone else is using me as an action figure. And trying to talk me down by blowing sunshine up my skirt is like waving a red flag at a bull. Then a third one is, I’m truly very touched and will cry, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m completely coherent but I’m a sobbing mess, whether it’s happy tears or sad tears. Type 1
As a T1, I disconnect or try to solve the problem very quickly. At first, listening to this video, I had to question if I was a T3, because I tend to want to solve the problem and move on, but I realize the reason I want to do that is because I want everyone to be happy and not have any lingering sadness or anger. Like Marcie, I tend to disconnect to the point that I don’t deal with the emotion. In order for me to deal with the emotion, I need to talk it out, so that is where my secondary 2 comes in. I tend to have so many things going on in my head at one point, because I just tell myself, “I can’t deal with that right now.” It tends to come out in one way or another, but usually it comes out in physical reactions, like anxiety and panic attacks. I used to not want to upset anyone and so I wouldn’t speak up or express my needs until I had to. This led to anxiety and panic. I ended up having to get really aggressive to get my needs met, that now people just think I am being mean. I don’t like that, but how do I say what I need and be heard, when I live with a husband who is very type 3 with secondary 4? I am learning through DYT that I can get my needs met and express myself to be heard. The barrier I find is that as a T1, my needs don’t get taken seriously. Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?
I would love to hear that too as I think I’m in the same situation with my husband (I’m t1s2 I think, he is t3/s4). I did realize that I can listen to his convincing arguments on why he thinks what I am doing is not going to give me the result he thinks I want. That’s his way of handling it, not mine. I try to see it as that, not let it upset me and say that I want to try/do something I believe is right for me and for him to please accept that. Rather that than the intens fights we otherwise had that make him angry and me very sad…
Thank you for this! As a T1 I’m learning so much about the other types and forgiving myself for either not allowing sadness or simply not engaging in sadness for more than a moment or two. I have been admonishing myself for not feeling more deeply and certainly picked up on the annoyance factor I have around T4 and T2 for my “oh that’s too bad, wanna go out and play?” response to sadness.
I wrote in my blog about 4 yrs. ago, “I learned early that anger is easier to feel than sadness.” It was a turning point. I hoped to develop a more honest and productive relationship with my emotions, to express them in healthier ways than I had in my early life. It was validating (and amusing) to hear that that is, yet again, very 3 of me. 😉
Anyone else here think about Disney’s Inside Out movie? As a type 1 I’ve recently realized how maybe some people don’t appreciate when they’re feeling bad about something that I point out the funny side to laugh about.
Excellent observation! You are right. Joy just wants to avoid sadness and spends almost the entire movie trying to do that, but she finds out that there is some value in sadness sometimes.
I am 99% sure I am a Type 2, married to a type 3 man (and I suspect he is a secondary type 1). Conflict is SO hard with him! It’s like I take on his type 3-ness, and I just want to “work it out” and talk about the disagreement until it is resolved, or until my feelings/thoughts are understood and also accepted. I feel like I used to be extremely private with my emotions growing up, but over time have grown tired of it, and currently I seem to be extremely bold and forward with what I am thinking/feeling. ( I am pretty sure my secondary is a Type 4)
When interacting with my husband, I get so frustrated when he just “removes himself” and is quiet. His 1-ness seems to take over when he is sad or upset about something. And as a 2, I am very sensitive to emotions around me, and I feel like he doesn’t care. I hardly ever see him cry.
So this is something I am pondering….under stressful life situations when conflict or hurt feelings occur, do you think that we “revert to our secondary types?” What if a person is constantly in a mode of negative stress, experiencing trauma even, or depression….do you think their true type or nature becomes so buried, that others can’t really see it? I have some family members that I know have had a hard life, and suppressed a LOT their whole lives as a result… that I can’t seem to “figure out their type” though I feel I am pretty intuitive in general in that.
This was actually comforting for me as a T2 because I’ve been going through one of those periods where I just feel off and down and didnt know why. My secondary T4 is prominent, and usually I can pin-point why I’m feeling sad and try and work myself through it. However, like recently, there are times where I just don’t know why I feel so sad and just kind of down, and honestly I was somewhat frustrated because I couldn’t figure it out with my T4 nature.
But, after watching this video I feel like I can just allow myself to take it as it is and just let it process. I love my nature to analyze things, but I felt like this gave me permission to just FEEL what I needed to without needing to let my reflective nature lead the way. It’s very freeing because now more than ever I feel like I can just let things flow and let it take the time it needs even if I do/don’t know what caused it. Thank you!
As a type 4, I can totally relate to the Type 4’s experience of sadness. I usually become very silent and quiet about whatever it is I’m sad…and yes, it is often misinterpretted, which I try to clarify if I can… or goes unnoticed, which I prefer, because like she said, I’d prefer not to discuss my sadness with others. And if I do, only wish specific and very special and trusted people! Thanks for this post <3
This video alone could have told me my T4 type! So me. No one knows when I’m upset, and I have to reflect on what I’m feeling deep inside, privately. I tell very few people about my emotions, except my blog, which is full of ALL THE FEELS. The emotions are so intense that I have to get them out somehow, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about them in person to most people. I process as I write and reflect.
It definitely made my T4 husband’s secondary clear as well. S1 – he’s always trying to make me laugh when I’m upset, even when I’m not ready to laugh yet because I’m still processing and need to talk about / cry about / feel it (S2). He also is always the first to apologize. For us, it works, actually. When he apologizes, I’m able to go off the defensive. I can soften and be open to apologizing and sharing myself.
Hi Type 2s – Do you ever feel sad about events that haven’t even occurred? I can play though to a possible outcome and feel the sadness …. equally, I feel any other emotion too.
I was just thinking how it was weird that when I cry, it’s so much for a type 3. Then I thought, “Must be the type 3 intensity.” I was joking, but then one of you mentioned it! lol
I’m a 1/4. And I find I actually have a hard time disconnecting sometimes, perhaps because I grew up in a family entirely of type 2 and type 4, so I was trained into my type 4 secondary. But this can be a bad thing because all it seems to do is give me strong anxiety over the situation if it’s not resolved quickly. The only way I can stop worrying is if I go to sleep. How can I deal with this in a healthy type 1 manner?
I love Carol’s outfit in this video! Especially the top!
As a Type 3 I really resonated with the whole getting angry/offended when what’s really underlying that is the feeling of hurt, betrayal or some other heart break. I’ve seen that a lot in my own life this year. The Type 1 “permission to be sad” bit also resonated with me, which leads me to think more and more than Type 1 is my secondary.
I tear up during Hallmark commercials, but I hide that I am tearing up. I am so embarrassed to go to funerals, because even if I don’t know the person, I will bawl my head off just watching the family grieve. I have bottled up my emotions for a lot of years because my mom is afraid of emotions, so now I am making up for lost time. 🙂 I know I am an empath, so sometimes that makes it hard to tell if I am really a type 2 or not. I would love to hear more about type 2 energy, and how to separate myself from other people’s feelings a little more.
It is rare that I get sad..if anything I get irritated, but not sad. When I do truly get sad, my heart literally feels the pain of being broken like a warm sensation. I will remove myself from the situation/person and feel so sad that the person truly doesn’t know how crushed I am, so I quietly slither away, making a vow in my heart to stay away. When I get to that point I am truly sad because if is rare. If the situation forces me to respond and I am not able to get away, then I will react and go for broke with the truth and my opinion. I will be swift and immediate and cutting like no other. There have only been like a handful of times in my life when I have cried/sobbed and that has not been good…it feels like my soul is broken and I can’t breathe and get a massive headache. I avoid that for sure.
I use the 3 A’s when I feel sad or upset. Awareness, Acceptance and Action. I’m aware that the situation is as it is. I accept the the person I want to change isn’t going to change and it’s not my business to change them. The action is what am I going to do about it? Will I change where I go or what I do etc. I need this when I as a T4/1 hit a brick wall of emotion and anger. I have to stop and assess or I can go off on a tangent and miss how to deal with it.
I’m 3/4 and want to disconnect and then avoid addressing it later at all. My 4 comes out and doesn’t want to sit in the imperfection. If things feel smoother then I just want to go with that. But I don’t often like coming back to something after I’ve had time to cool off and process it. I tend to do anger like a 4 but I don’t do nearly as much thinking and introspecting.
Marcy looks great!!!!
I embrace my melancholy and appreciate the opportunity to cry. Tears are just memories flowing. Must be the Irish heritage!