Your Type 1 friend is a shining light, bringing plenty of positivity and laughter to your interactions. You love spending time together! But then why does she rarely reach out to initiate the next get-together?
It’s not personal. It’s just her nature!
In this first video of the series, I’m going to support you in creating phenomenal friend relationships with women of all four Energy Types. I’ll cover the benefits and challenges, as well as a tip to help you be a better friend if YOU are a Type 1!
Enjoy discovering the Type 1 energy:
Watch other videos in this series here:
This is a great series idea Carol! I’ve already learned things I didn’t know and I think I can finally rule out T1 as my type. In fact, this might have confirmed my T2. I could never forget (I wish!) about how long it’s been since I’ve talked with someone. Should I call? If they’re taking a long time to call back was it something I said on the message that they didn’t like? What if they didn’t get the message and they think I didn’t call them? Maybe I should call them again just in case but wait a while because I don’t want to seem desperate, etc., it never ends! I get in this cycle of worrying and assuming and then my secondary 4 finally says, okay, forget them, if it’s not supposed to work out it won’t and I write them off (although I’ll still have an unsettled feeling in my stomach when I think of them). Then they eventually get back to me and apologize for being busy or whatever and I’m like “Oh, no problem, it’s cool” and it honestly doesn’t bother me because we’re okay still and all is right with the world again but they’ll never realize the torment I went through, lol. It’s actually pretty funny when I look at it objectively. Like T1’s I don’t mind when someone else takes the lead with decisions of where to go and what to do, mostly because I feel a lot of pressure if I have to choose.
Janet I really connect with what you;re saying I feel the same feelings.
I have felt this exactly!! Thank you putting into words. I am a 2/4 though. I was only thinking today how I have a tendency to write people off – privately though, I’d never want to hurt their feelings! I think its me going into my S4 as armour.
Exactly, a private write off in my own mind that the other person never knows about. My T2 energy seems to be allergic to conflict so I’ve never had a friendship end with a confrontation, it just sort of slowly fades away. I agree about the S4 armour too, it’s like the S4 steps in to protect the emotional sensitivity of the T2. I don’t think I felt safe in my T2 energy from an early age, I felt too much and was overwhelmed with worry and taking responsibility for the emotions of others, so living more in the S4 made me feel more safe and protected. Unfortunately, that also meant suppressing my emotions which has led to some physical issues.
Yes, yes, yes 🙂 So nice to know there’s others out there. Also, I thought I was a T1 initially too!
Love this! Will reach out to my Type 4s right now… 🙂
Very helpful! Thank you so much for this. I’ve lived my whole working life as a type 4 (28 years) in an effort to be responsible and reliable and it has literally made me sick, with autoimmune disorders popping up like worms after a hard rain. I’m trying to get a handle on it, and I know determining my energy type is going to be part of the recovery process. It has been difficult and frustrating, but segments like this one push me a little closer to the answer. I identify massively with the detaching from friends and the “squirrel!” syndrome in conversation you talked about; if I’m not a primary 1, I’m definitely a secondary 1. (Then again, reading Janel’s comment, I identify with what she says, too! But I believe I am too opinionated and pushy to be a 2 …. maybe?) Many thanks for all the insights and opportunities to see things in a different way.
Your books and videos have been so helpful for me in understanding my family & friends, but this one really was amazing. I have a Type 1 mother, husband, daughter, sister, and quite a few of my closest friends are Type 1s (I’m a 2/4) I really struggle with our differences sometimes and have always misinterpreted their lack of connection for years (with the exception of the 1/2s who it seems are much more on top of connecting than even I am) and their moving on from one topic to another as not caring about me or what I have to say. This always left me hurt and feeling less confident about how they viewed me, so I’d be left with negative assumptions (ie “I must be boring” or “They dont value my friendship/time/connection as much as I value theirs.”) Now, whenever I get new insight on Type 1, I send them all a text telling them how much I love them. Thank you so much Carol!
Thank you for your comment, I’m a 2/4 with a T1 mother, daughter, and either a 1/3 or 3/1 husband, plus plenty of T1 extended family. Your comment was very reassuring! I totally agree about the 1/2s – they are the best connectors of all I think 🙂
This is so timely! On the day same day this video was released, I was having a conversation with a very beloved T1 friend and employee about DYT. She’s a 1/4, and had decided that her random, chaotic, bubbly, busy nature wasn’t right, and so for months she had been living out of her S4 — in her words, she wanted to be “dark and mysterious!” (as if!!) Because I’m her boss, as well as her friend, it was really important to me to get her living true to her type, because it was affecting her work performance in a really negative way, and it was also affecting her health. So I sat down with her and told her everything I know about T1 energy, and repeatedly gave her permission to just be herself. By the end of the conversation, she was feeling so much lighter and ready to take the online courses! The very next day, I was talking to her at work, and as she was telling me about how much better she was feeling already, one of our clients walked through the door, took one look at her and said, “Well, hey there, Sunshine!” It was such a beautiful confirmation for her, and I’m so excited to get to witness her embracing all aspects of her 1/4 self.
You are a great friend and employer – thanks for supporting other women!
Thanks for this video! It really helped me stop judging myself. I’ve been doing lots of inner work, feeling old childhood feelings and moving them out of my system, the Money course offered this last spring and then lots of the Lifestyle clearings and tapping. Especially “I dont like my type” and “I dont like your type”. When I watched this I learned a lot and I also saw how far I’ve come in stopping judging myself! Yayy 🙂
Loved this can’t wait for the other type episodes too! One of my closet friends is a T1 also my sis and we try and get together for fun things like coffee dates, doing our nails, or just going on a shopping trip.
Wow!! T1, still deciding on secondary; but this was another validation for my T1ness – have often felt guilt about my spasmodic/inconsistent style of friendship and know that not all friends will understand and make allowances. The friends who do are very much loved, appreciated and kept in touch with. Thank you Carol Tuttle and team.
Wow! This was a great video and topic! Can’t wait to see the rest of the series. Thanks, Carol!
Wow! this was very helpful. I like looking at energy profiling from this lens and vantage point. I am still processing what type I am, even though I initially said type 3, however what you described about being in communication with friends resonated with me a lot …. I say the only reason my friends, are my friends, is that they kept up with me, they keep the connection going and don’t get upset if they don’t see or hear from me for months, and they appreciate it when we do get together it’s like we never skipped a beat…. I don’t know if any other type does this as well … And the part about me not seeing the friendships the same way…..yes! I have 2 people that say they are my best friends and I don’t feel the same way, but since they say I am their best friend, I say I am too… if they are happy I am estatic… its all love ❤️
This was wonderful! As a Type 1, I loved the part about being in the moment. In the past, when asked if I was a morning person or an evening person, I’ve always said I’m an occasion person… I rise to the occasion… I also loved the explanation about friendships with a Type 1. I’m terrible about not getting in touch with friends. Now, I understand and will schedule it on my calendar. And the part about not caring where you go to dinner? That’s me, too. Can’t wait to see the rest of this series! I know I’ll learn a lot!!! (By the way, I had to change my avatar before I posted… It was a photo of me before I discovered Dressing Your Truth. I hardly recognized myself!)
I had a discussion with a T2 friend the other day about something similar. She is very detailed and remembers everyone’s favorites and so on. I do not. I am not observant of those details. However, I consider myself to be a very thoughtful and caring person, but I questioned that because I couldn’t remember the “lists” of things about people. I wondered if that made me not as caring as she was. Then I remembered (and she confirmed) that I am a deeply caring T1 friend who notices emotions and lifts others, even if I don’t keep the “list”.
Interesting! In the last year I’ve had two different friendship groups add me to their group “because it’s more fun when I’m there”. Another friend observed the atmosphere is always lighter when I’m part of the group.
I don’t have a problem with connectivity, I guess that’s where my T2 secondary comes in.
Yes I pick up with long lost friends as though we spoke yesterday.
This is so helpful Carol!!!!! I was JUST shaming myself because a close friend of mine whom I love dearly is always the one reaching out to me, I wait so long sometimes to reach out and then when he beats me to it, I feel so guilty and take a day or two to respond as I’ve made myself upset, shaming myself for this… I feel so sorry and yet I still do it… I guess I’m still in training on not shaming my true nature… This video made me appreciate my strong points as well as realize real ways to help the weak points!!! I even just made a list of my “top tier friends”!!! Thanks Carol, I love your work!!!
Excellent insights, Carol! So many words of wisdom. Now if my T1 self could just slow down enough to implement a couple of your suggestions…:-)
Thank you for this video! Instead of beating myself up over not contacting my friends, I know now that it’s just my nature. I am beginning to think through my list of friends and thinking about your comment on recreating dysfunctional family scenarios in my friends. I had not ever thought of that. I believe this may be true for me to some extent. I am in week three of DYT and loving it! Thank you!
Thank you Carol, your videos are so helpful. Although I thought from the beginning that I was a type 1 I typically kept seeing myself in the other types. These videos have helped me confirm my type and begin to see myself in a positive light! When I listen to your videos it`s amazing to hear the accurate description of my behavoir…I`m flabbergasted..love that word!
Wonderful to hear this was helpful in confirming your Type!! Thanks for being a LS member, Lynn.
Thank you Carol – very intresting video! 🙂 I am a Type 4/1… but I am so similar to this Type 1 friend description in your video. I have exactly the Type 1 challanges… disconnected, interrupted… and I need a riminder to call my friends! Does my S1 overrun me??
You probably have a combo of your 4 and 1 expressing. When the Type 4 video is released you can compare the 2. You may express more of your secondary tendencies around those you are more comfortable with. You may also have a bit of S1 trying to overtake the scene.
These comments are helpful to me, too, as a type 4/1!
Excellent information, thank you! I am eager to watch the rest of this series! <3
I always thought I was just a bad friend because I was not very good at getting back with friends or calling them. But when we did get together it was like we had picked up where we left off, even if it had been years. I do want to be a better friend and even though it may seem impersonal, setting a reminder is a good idea. Besides…they don’t know I set the reminder 🙂
I completely relate to being the type 1 friend. Is there any way that our secondary can be so overdeveloped that it dominates our friend experience or is this something that always expresses in our dominate energy regardless of wounding? For example, if my primary is T2 but I’m so used to relying on my secondary 1 in social situations that I actually operate in my secondary in my friendships?
T1 here! I’ve actually started making a conscious effort to suggest places to go and things to do when my t3 hubby and I go out. I’m really fine with anywhere most of the time, but he got tired of always having to make the choice. So now I take a moment to think about where I really would like to go or what I want to do, and make a suggestion, rather than just immediately ask, “what do you want?” He appreciates that.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that I’m often the one to initiate contact with an old friend (part of why I thought I might be t2–keeping friendships for a long time and being the one to keep it going), but I can let a lot of time go by also. I also can feel that I don’t have close friendships that I wish I had. My aha is that maybe it is because I haven’t made enough effort (often enough) to reach out to the people who are important to me.
I’m a 1 with maybe secondary 4 and I’m usually the one to keep the relationship alive. Sometimes it feels very one sided. I’m always calling or texting to see how they are doing. So I usually stop talking to them for months and if I think about them I would send them a message to see how they are doing. My friends are usually in different states, different phases of life and haven’t been able to really get together. When I text I like to have people respond within an hour unless I think I did or said something wrong. Other times I know they are busy and will get back to me when they have a chance or I will text back after a couple hours to see if they got my message. Plus I’ve always been told I’m easy going, go with the flow and a peacemaker.
‘you can pick up with them no matter how much time has gone by’ I thought this is something normal :-). So how do the other types deal with that?
Communication is so important in friendship! No matter what type we are we have to be able to play ping pong ! That means take turns initiating pinging the ball over the net and returning ponging the ball back! Most of my true friends can play like this – and they are different types.
Thank you so much for this reminder. I am a Type 1/4 and i should phone to my friends more often than i use to do. I love my friends, but i´m always so busy with my kids and family that i just forget to phone or wright them. I have a very good friend since my childhood and we phone seldom but 1 or 2 h, and for us both it´s so natural and nurtouring we share our experiences thoughts and feelings and we laughing and giggling all the time. I believe she might be also a Type 1 ;)) In my case i love to be free even in my friendships and i respect all other Types for their gifts they bring to the world. I have to work on it specially for my Type 2 and 3 friends.
This is so funny! I love what you shared.
I’m exceedingly grateful for this series, thank you, so very useful. I am blessed to have discovered you Carol and your amazing program.
I understand Kelly! Doing this series was also very insightful for me as well!
I agree, I actually just had another insight! I always thought people were rude who just “popped in” for a visit unannounced. I would think, how would they like it if I just came over without notice or asking if it was a good time? But apparently the answer is, they’d love it! So, they’re not being intentionally inconsiderate or disrespectful, they just think that others feel the same way as they do. Which is really what I do too, because I get annoyed if I’m forced to socialize with other people when I didn’t have a say in the matter, so I’m very aware of not infringing upon someone else’s personal space and time.
Wish I had known this when I still had friends! Truly, it would have been so good to understand this before my college friends slipped away… I also find it difficult to make new friends–too much connect / disconnect, maybe. Or maybe because friendships haven’t really worked out too well, I hold myself aloof? (That S4 rearing it’s ugly head.)
I do notice that type threes place an emphasis on reciprocity, which as a type one I interpret as being controlling. My sister is a type three and she demands reciprocity and holds it against others when they don’t initiate contact. I see this same trait in Carol. Reciprocity either happens or it doesn’t- but when you demand it from friends, you will turn a lot of them away. Most type ones will disconnect because we’re happy with or without you- we don’t need you for our happiness! We attract friends very easily. (sometimes TOO easily)
As a type one, I see that sometimes other people will reciprocate- and sometimes they won’t. That’s life. Deal with it. Type 3’s demand reciprocity… Type 4’s demand that the focus of the conversation be on them at all times- and they are SO HUGE about not being interrupted, OMG!…. Type ones don’t care! We get interrupted all the time! So what? 3’s and 4’s are the most demanding in relationships, which is why I tend to steer clear of them. My sister thankfully has a secondary two, just like I have a secondary two, and it comes in handy for both of us and helps us stay connected. My other sister is a dominant type two and she keeps the peace between all three of us…. Thank God for all the types! What would we do without them???
Thanks for the series- can someone explain why a type one friend would be asked to change her true nature in order to save the friendship? If a type one naturally doesn’t initiate contact, why would she be asked to do something not true to her natural self? Type ones don’t typically initiate contact. Can that be honored and accepted? Just like in the Type Three series- asking a type three to be a sensitive listener is putting them at a disadvantage… Asking a type one to initiate contact is putting them at a disadvantage as well. We can save friendships by being true to our nature and allowing our friends to be true to theirs… That gives everyone involved an advantage.
i can explain! Every Type in this series was encouraged to consider and manage themselves in a way that supported healthy friendships. As far as a Type 1 friend, they only reason they don’t initiate contact is because they have disconnected and don’t realize so much time has gone by since reaching out to the friends that matter most to them. I am a true believer that we all need to invest effort and reach out to the people who matter the most to us, reciprocity builds stronger friendships. As a Type 3, I do not feel I can just say I am not a sensitive listener so don’t bother me with your life problems, or I can say to myself, I need to show forth more sensitivity to the people I really care about in a way that honors us both. Just because we don’t come by something as naturally as other Types, doesn’t mean we ignore it when it comes to creating healthy relationships. In today’s world, our most important relationship that require this kind of investment are not large in number.
You really nailed it on the head when you said “Just because we don’t come by something as naturally as other Types, doesn’t mean we ignore it when it comes to creating healthy relationships.” That got my attention! Thanks- I needed to hear that.
You know, as I look at my husband and son (both type 3/4’s), I totally make adjustments for them all the time, with nary a thought or complaint because they are super important to me. I see now that I don’t do this as easily for women. I was really puzzled about why this particular video triggered me so much! It’s still a challenge for me to speak up for myself around women, especially my mom. (I can let loose with men, no problem- I’ll give ’em what for!) My mom’s a 4/3 and she is a wonderful person… We’re all learning here! And we’re all in this together. Thank you again.
I am a Type 4 who has a disproportionate amount of Type 1 friends and acquaintances. I have found that since they tend to be distracted by things and lose track of time, and I tend to isolate myself… that neither of us holds it against the other when we finally talk again! We can go months, even years with bare minimum contact, and then pick up the phone and chat for hours like no time had even passed. No apologizing or explaining. It’s just picking up again where we left off. I enjoy and appreciate that we can both live our lives and then reconnect whenever it is that happens. I have never felt bad for being too distant with a Type 1! They don’t even notice when I detach and become a hermit! It’s great!
Hi Tracy- that’s exactly the way my mom is. She has a ton of friends period… I don’t know if there are many type ones or not, but it does intrigue me because the video about type Fours says they are so selective about friends. My mom isn’t- she has a ton of friends and she is an extreme extrovert. Her secondary is a Three. If you don’t mind my asking, what is your secondary? And- do you have a lot of friends/acquaintances? I’m wondering if this has something to do with the all or nothing aspect. My mom is either totally social- or she’s a hermit. Does this resonate with you at all?
Hi! I am definitely selective about my friends, but I select a lot of Type 1 friends, without realizing it! It wasn’t until DYT that I saw that pattern. They have a way of pulling me out that doesn’t feel forced. I don’t have a lot of friends and acquaintances (nobody would say I have a ton of friends lol), but almost all of them are Type 1. I am pretty certain my secondary is 1, which may play a factor in me enjoying their company and letting my guard down more so than when I’m around other types. I am mostly a hermit, but when I decide to be social, I am eleventy-billion percent social! There is definitely an all-or-nothing aspect there. Most of the time I do prefer to be a hermit though. But when I go out with friends, I. GO. OUT! No inbetween!
Thank you so much Tracy! You have helped me more than you know, not only with my mom, but with ALL the fours in my life! I’m the opposite of you- I have almost all fours (and a lot of threes) in my life. Both my parents are type four, both my husband’s parents are type four, plus my brother and sister in law are type fours too… Not to mention all the others… And I’m 1/2! Go figure! I guess we attract our opposites for some reason- but what you said about being a hermit… That really opened my eyes about my mom, so you shed a lot of light there. And I laughed at “eleventy-billon percent social!” That was great!! Thank you again 🙂
I need to be more light and fun. I have gotten away from that by judging my lightness as a flaw. I also know now this is why I having so little friends has made me so unhappy. I need to find a network of local friends.i lived in this neighborhood for 20byrs and I know 1 person well and a couple enough to be friendly but that’s it! I get really hurt when my efforts to be friendle aren’t welcome. I am looking toove for many reasons but, meeting new people and making new friends knowing my type I can be me and I know people will accept me.
I am type 4. I have people in my life I think are type 1s, but I find that they complain to me about *their* problems, yet when I try to tell them about *my* problems, they say ‘don’t moan about it/ don’t let it get you down, move on!’ or something and don’t reciprocate. It’s like they are allowed to complain but I am not, which isn’t fair.